Valentine’s Day as a single girl is a real journey. It starts with the same naive optimism every year — “Who cares? It’s just a made-up holiday anyway!” — and ends with me aggressively scrolling through Instagram, side-eyeing every couple’s cringey tribute post. (Seriously, we get it, Ashley, you love your boyfriend “to the moon and back.”)

But this year, I decided I wasn’t going to spend the day wallowing in self-pity or pretending I was too busy to notice the heart-shaped balloons everywhere. No, this year, I was taking the day back. I wasn’t going to cry into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s while watching The Notebook for the hundredth time — mostly because Netflix took it off the platform, and I refuse to pay for Amazon Prime.

Instead, I planned out a day that would be filled with all the things I love (read: self-care, overpriced lattes, and shameless self-indulgence). And because I know I’m not the only one who will spend February 14th third-wheeling myself, I documented the whole thing. From waking up alone (obviously) to my evening existential crisis, here’s a play-by-play of everything I did on Valentine’s Day as a single girl. Buckle up — it’s a wild ride.

My Day As A Single Girl On Valentine’s Day 

7:00 AM: Wake up and look at my phone. Notice it’s Valentine’s Day, groan, and then fall back asleep.

8:00 AM: Wake up, let’s try this again. It’s Valentine’s Day! Immediately reach over to my side drawer and — because I’m feeling the spirit of the holiday — grab my rose (because no one else is buying me any). Orgasm.

9:00 AM: Get up and wash my face. At least my face gets to get wet today. Grab an extra large caramel latte from my favorite coffee shop because I deserve it.

10:00 AM: Start my workday because I love me, and I want to be able to provide for me. Keep that in mind through my morning meeting.

11:00 AM: Write about all the sex I’m no longer having because I decided to “respect myself.” Get horny writing said articles. Reach for rose again.

12:00 PM: Order some not-so-healthy lunch. I’m concerned with feeding my soul today, not so much about nutrients.

3:00 PM: Finish up work and strip all my clothes off to lie in bed and become one with my mattress. Start to feel sad about not having someone next to me, but stop that feeling short by grabbing my rose. That’s a lot of roses today, very VDay.

4:00 PM: Head to the gym for a leg and glute day. At least I’ll feel something in my ass today.

6:00 PM: Take an everything shower because I want to feel pampered. Shave my legs for me because I deserve smooth skin. Belt “Dangerously in Love” as I use my extra expensive body wash today. Get dressed in my favorite lounge set. Take a few “#nomakeup” selfies.

7:00 PM: FaceTime my best friend and yap about all of my exes and how it could be worse than spending VDay alone — I could be spending it with one of them. Go through our Instagram timelines together, making fun of the high school sweethearts and how many times we see the words “ups and downs.”

8:00 PM: Down a heart-shaped pizza I had delivered and throw on Gone Girl.

9:00 PM: Read a little Kennedy Ryan. Play my sex playlist because I deserve to be romanced. Switch it up and reach for my Magic Wand.

10:00 PM: Head to bed early so that I can wake up bright to get ready for my Galentine’s Day brunch.