Mercury Is Doing You-Know-What: Weekly Horoscopes Feb. 8-12

Let’s get this out of the way right now: yes, Mercury is retrograde, and yes, you can blame all of your problems on that until February 20th. But that’s not all! This week we’ve got six heavenly bodies and a new moon in Aquarius, making this the perfect time to expand your horizons and open your mind to what is possible… like actually paying attention during your morning Zoom meeting. And they said it couldn’t be done…


Aries, it’s time to stop hitting “remind me tomorrow” on that computer update. The time is now. With a new moon in your tech sector, this is the perfect time to get your digital house in order. I’m talking inbox at zero. Okay, so maybe like, inbox at 25…


Have you taken on too much at work? Of course you have. With Mercury flipping it into reverse this week, now is the perfect time to backtrack on some of those commitments. Are there tasks that can be delegated? To-do list items that can be pushed to next week? (Hint: the answer is literally always yes.)


Thursday’s new moon is a BFD for you, Gemini. Are you ready for it? The new moon in Aquarius is lighting up your house of adventure, meaning it’s time to see the world! From a six foot distance, of course. Might I suggest a trip to your nearest botanical garden to cure your wanderlust? Or just like, a f*ckload of Travel Channel.


What do you actually want, Cancer? Nobody knows. Least of all you. This week you may find yourself pulled in two different directions. Should you hit up your ex, or block his number? Should you get a head start on some work, or turn on HGTV and House Hunters yourself into oblivion? Decisions… decisions….


Leo? Catching feelings? Well I never! This week, your month-long Valentine’s Day continues as the new moon in Aquarius puts even more energy into your House of Partnership. All that is to say: if you weren’t putting both of your photos into that app that shows you what your kids will look like, you’re about to start.


I know this seems impossible Virgo, but this week the cosmos is asking you to go with the flow. No to-do lists. No planners. No Google Calendar updates. Just you, your thoughts, and the unstoppable march of time. Kind of sounds like a horror movie tbh…


Lucky Libra! This week brings much good fortune upon you, Mercury in retrograde be damned! This week’s new moon is in your house of pleasure and passion, so one can only assume you’ll be having both of those things. Just try not to brag too much okay?


You’re still feeling the domestic vibes this week, Scorpio, but this week’s new moon asks: what is the difference between coziness and messiness? Are these blankets on the floor because you’re creating a fort situation, or because you knocked them off your bed two nights ago and still haven’t done anything about it? And what purpose, exactly, does this clothes pile serve? I highly doubt it sparks joy.


When was the last time you expressed yourself outside .gif form? Now is the time. With the new moon opening up lines of communication, now is the perfect time for quality time with besties. Try to schedule a socially distanced walk or grab a table at the COVID-friendly outdoor dining establishment of your choice. A drunk brunch is in order.


Keep an eye on your balance sheet this week, Capricorn! Your mind’s on your money and your mind, meaning you might be able to catch some crucial red flags that could affect your bottom line. As the Miranda of the zodiac, you simply cannot allow this. Act accordingly.


There are casually six planets in your sign this week (okay so the Sun isn’t a planet but still…), meaning you are going to be getting cosmic signals from all angles. Your third eye is open wide right now, so keep an eye out for signs and don’t discount your intuition. You basically have a direct line to the heavens right now.


Look around you, Pisces. Do you really need all this stuff? Or have you been collecting knick knacks and random trash like a bored mermaid for over a year now? With this week’s new moon, now is the perfect time to declutter your space. I’d start with tossing the dinglehopper.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.