Kylie Jenner Has Been Lying To All Of Us About Her Lip Kits

I may be a professional Kylie Jenner hater, but damn do I love me some lip kits. They come in cute colors (and some not-so cute colors—lookin’ at you, Skylie). They stay on for-fucking-ever. They’re pretty good quality for the price, even if the liner never does sharpen back to its original pointy-ness. But no more. I, Sgt. Olivia Betchson (my real name) will never again purchase a Kylie Lip Kit because of a new discovery that proves Kylie’s been deceiving us, her loyal fans paying customers, this entire time. Strap on your fucking seat belts, because this scandal is bigger than Fyre Festival. Possibly even bigger than Watergate. Are you ready?

Kylie doesn’t use her arm for her swatches. That’s right, every time you’ve seen a new Instagram or Snapchat announcing Kylie’s new colors with those famous swatches all the way down her arm? IT WASN’T KYLIE’S ARM. The betrayal. The humanity! You think you know a person and their arm, and then you find out you’ve been totally played the entire time. How can I trust a makeup product when that product’s own founder won’t test it on their skin? And is that why all the lip kits I ordered after that buy one, get one half off sale looked way darker in person than they looked in the swatches? IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?!


I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking it too: Can I get a refund? Then whose arm is it?? Her housekeeper. “She has the best arm for swatches,” Kylie says. What does that mean? Does she have the perfect complexion that’s somehow translatable to all skin tones? A completely hairless arm? Not even! “She’s so nice and just sits there and has her arm ready and lets me do my thing.” So… all it takes to be Kylie’s arm swatch model is the ability to sit still for the length of time it takes to make a Snapchat—about 10 seconds. Good to know… *furiously updates resume*

I think I’m not at all overreacting when I say that if Kylie’s willing to deceive us about who’s modeling her swatches, what else is she lying to us about? Can we really trust her or her makeup products ever again? Truthfully, you all do what you want, but personally? I’m not ready to get hurt again. I’ll be boycotting all of Kylie’s products until future notice. This has everything to do with this lip kit revelation, and nothing to do with the fact that I’m currently broke.