Someone Please Explain These Khloé Kardashian Instagrams

It’s been a full, like, eight days since one of the Kardashians has decided to announce her pregnancy at the very end of the work day and send the entire media into a frenzy. Given all that’s been happening in the world, it makes sense, and I for one am glad that Kris Jenner has been able to put aside her thirst for publicity for the time being. But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about Khloé Kardashian’s pregnancy. I have not. I’m still losing sleep over it, and it’s gotten to the point where my boss has had to “gently” remind me that Khloé Kardashian pregnancy rumor-induced sleep deprivation is not a valid excuse for calling out of work. But I still have so many thoughts. Mainly, is Khloé Kardashian really pregnant? I’ve stalked her Instagram lately, and I have some doubts.

First off, I’d just like to say that between Khloé and Kylie, I find it much easier to believe that Khloé is pregnant. She’s older, she’s wiser (not that the bar is that high, but still), and she’s in a steady relationship of more than five months. She’s also reportedly wanted to get pregnant for a long time. So I would very much support her as a new Kardashian mom (because my support is really what matters here). I’m just genuinely confused. We haven’t heard anything from Khloé either way, which is just weird. Like, what are you all gaining here by remaining silent, other than my continued speculation?? Please advise.

Okay anyway, now onto the conspiracy theories. Khloé is supposedly pregnant, and she’s probably the most likely one out of anyone to be pregnant, and yet, she posted this Instagram five days ago:

Khloé Kardashian Instagram

Normally I’d say this photo could have been taken a long time ago, but this is supposedly a new item that just dropped. How long in advance could she have gotten a new item to take a picture of it? And seriously, look how skinny she is. Someone please PM me the name of Khloé’s personal trainer. Jokes, I can’t afford him or her and half of that is probably lipo anyway.

But I’m not done. Khloé posted the following Instagram on September 23rd, which again, wasn’t that long ago.

Khloé Kardashian Instagram

Not only does she not look pregnant, homegirl has ABS. Now note the caption: “Last swim before we’re off to Cleveland!” I had to do a lot of extra Googling to compensate for my nonexistent sports knowledge, but basically here’s the gist: Khloé’s boyfriend and maybe baby daddy, Tristan Thompson, plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Khloé was in Cleveland with Tristan on September 26th, according to PEOPLEIf on September 23rd, she took her “last swim” before heading to Cleveland, and she was in Cleveland no later than September 26th, then we’re talking a maximum of three days difference. Incidentally (or not really, I just like using that word), news of Khloé’s rumored pregnancy also broke on September 26th. Like I said about Kylie before, people typically wait to start telling family and friends they’re pregnant until they’re around 10 to 12 weeks along, and like I also said about Kylie, women can start to show at that point. So if she’s supposedly nearly three months along at this point, and has abs like that, again I say, somebody PLEASE PM me her personal trainer.

Seriously, HOW??? How can Khloé be pregnant with a six-pack when I’m over here, decidedly NOT pregnant, and rocking a mini keg? *Looks down sadly at loaf of garlic bread in my lap*

That’s all I’ve got for today, folks. If Khloé is pregnant, which is looking increasingly likely to be the case, mazel tov to her and Tristan and apologies to their future child for all the “your mom is a MILF” comments they’re going to have to deal with.