Katie Maloney & Tom Schwartz Respond To The Divorce Rumors

Last week our worlds were rocked we were not at all surprised to read that Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz might be getting a divorce. I mean, maybe it’s bad editing, but those two look miserable together a solid 98% of the time. Like, I’m no marriage counselor, but people who routinely get into screaming matches and call each other bitches on a regular basis do not exactly seem like the happiest of couples. I will now take my honorary armchair psychology degree, thank you very much. I guess the rumors were pretty bad, because Katie and Tom actually responded to the divorce rumors in a series of tweets. That, or they just haven’t been getting a lot of retweets lately since Vanderpump Rules hasn’t been on in like, months. Probably the latter tbh.

After we published our very believable and credible report on the divorce rumors, Katie and Tom literally responded to our very article via Twitter. Honestly, I’m adding this to my list of accomplishments under my resume, right above all the bullshit honors societies I was a member of in college. You hear that, mom? I’m famous on the radar of B-list reality TV stars! 

Ya so anyway this is what they said:

Tom And Katie Divorce Rumors

Yeah so I mean, this is incredible for many reasons. The first being that Tom Schwartz noticed our tweet before Katie did. Like, we love Schwartz (which you would know if you read my recaps), but he’s not exactly Betches’ target audience. I would have expected Katie or even like, Kristen to have picked up on our story first, not Schwartz. This only makes things more amazing and I will be keeping this in mind for future recaps. I would have thought Katie just logged on to Schwartz’s Twitter account to post that reply if it weren’t for the fact that I can 100% hear Schwartz in my head being like “Noooo we are still going strong Bubba!!!” in his little softspoken, semi-whiney voice. You know, the one he does when he knows he’s fucked up but doesn’t want Katie to get mad at him? Yep. Not even a stretch of the imagination.

So there you have it, straight from the horses’ mouths. Tom and Katie are still together, for now. And to all the people who replied like “Good, don’t let the jealous haters get you down with these disgusting rumors,” I have a few things to say. One, people out here are accusing DeMario of sexual assault—I would hardly call reporting on a divorce rumor of a couple who willingly puts themselves and all their relationship problems into the spotlight “disgusting”. Bothersome, sure. Clickbaity, you bet. But disgusting? That’s extreme. Two, and most importantly:

Paris Hilton

So yes, thank you. Your hatred fills me with life and eternal youth. Namaste.