Kacey Musgraves Had Fans Share Their Cringey AIM Screen Names & We're Dead

I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t spend a solid four years of my preteen life sitting on my family’s desktop computer waiting for my crush to sign on to AIM. I made sure my away message always said something cool like, “~*PaRtYiNg w/ mY gUrLz… HiT the CeLLie~*” even if it was 4pm on a Thursday and I didn’t actually have a ~cellie~ for anyone to call. Not to mention I was 10 f*cking years old.

Even better than my desperate-for-attention away messages was my screen name: XxXDoLLFace017XxX. I don’t know why the X’s were necessary (why did we make our screen names sound like porn star names?) and I’m pretty sure over-plucked brows and braces would’ve been a better way to describe my face, but I digress. I clearly was just a delusional weirdo with way too much time on my hands and a slow AF dial-up modem. 

But I wasn’t the only one.

Everybody’s favorite country queen, Kasey Musgraves, has reminded me that I’m in good (albeit embarrassing) company when it comes to cringeworthy AIM screen names. The singer’s Twitter page is funny as hell, and is essentially like an explosion of her beautiful yet random thoughts organized on one feed. So I wasn’t exactly surprised when she asked the Twitterverse to reminisce about their AIM screen names, even though it most definitely opened up the door to my childhood anxiety. (Will send you the therapy bill laterz, Kace!)

At 2:22am on Monday, Kacey tweeted this, as you do when you can’t sleep because you’re deep in an anxiety spiral of all the embarrassing things you did as a kid:

And just like that, thousands of tweets poured in filled with shame and regret. I’m going to round up some of the best/worst submissions because honestly I could use an ego boost after being forced to remember that I was XxXDoLLfAcE017XxX. 

When HannahMontanaRocks is already taken, you have to get creative.

If we’re talking about a bedazzled flip phone, then yes, this one works. 

I’ve never seen a beach babe who wore a skort. 

How’s it going today? Lil sweaty, how about you? (But also, this girl was lightyears ahead of the “it’s called fashion sweaty, look it up” meme, so I respect it.)

Gwen would be so proud. 

TBH, I think Dad was right about this one.

Wait, but if you call yourself emo, doesn’t that negate the emo? *stares out window in eyeliner* 

Okay, but who the f*ck sends out resumes through AIM? 

As if any of us knew that the song was about a powerful dick. 

It’s OK, we’re all here to learn from our mistakes. 

I think we’re all losers in this situation, actually.

In her defense, TargetPurseBlonde doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I wonder if he’s still a bad boy to this day.

When you can’t choose between two names so you awkwardly force them together.

*Buys one Hollister T-shirt. Immediately changes screen name.*

I’m a little mad that Kacey Musgraves didn’t drop her own AIM name, but there responses are good enough. There are thousands more where these came from, and honestly, I’ll probably spend all day on Twitter laughing at them. Good thing I don’t have any work to get done or anything! Drop your AIM name in the comments so we can all be old together.

Images: Shutterstock; Kaceymusgraves, wtfisup_kyle, setrocs929, iliketaffeta, jules6388, __juicya, callmedgoodz, scene_destroyer, mingomovement, hiimalexsmith, gingerwomp, roxymoxi, audriseyah, vanhelsingjr4, melaniemorgann, nichollerae / Twitter

Stefanie Parker
Stefanie Parker
Stefanie's biggest disappointment in life is when she realized her Bachelor hometown date would involve nothing but ordering food and watching TV on her couch.