How To Stop Looking Pale In All Your Selfies This Winter

Winter is full of sabotage. First, there’s the fact that people just expect you to come to work every day even though it’s cold and miserable and riding the J train during any sort of inclement weather is the equivalent of playing Russian roulette with your life. Then there’s the fact that you’re too pale for half your makeup and you can’t step outside for 2.5 seconds without your skin rapidly flaking off. All of that is pretty hellish, but there is no worse fresh hell on this earth than ghostface.

Let me paint a picture for you here: it’s January, you just survived your first full week back at work WITH SNOW ON THE GROUND and you’re ready to fuck up all your New Year’s resolutions in one night. You show up to work Friday barely hiding the crop top you’re wearing under your cardigan or the fact that you DGAF about being there. By the time happy hour rolls around you’re ready to start pounding shots and sending selfies to your entire squad to let them know it’s going down right fucking now. Then you go to take said selfie and you’re so fucking pale that your skin actually blinds the camera. And all of your friends are just like…

That’s called “flashback” or “ghostface,” and it exists to ruin lives. Usually any phenomenon with the word “ghost” in it I take as a personal attack, but ghostface is even more of a betrayal than when guys ghost me, because this is my own fucking face sabotaging my happiness. My. Own. Face. But fear not, I have access to Google am an expert at hiding all my flaws, so here’s how you can stop your selfies from being sabotaged. RT to save lives.

Pick The Right Foundation

SPF in foundations is the leading cause of sabotaging my fire selfies ghostface. Why there aren’t more documentaries on this v important issue is beyond me. Anyways, stay away from foundations with SPF in them like it’s a guy who actually seems interested in you. Certain SPFs use minerals like titanium dioxide and zinc oxide, which can make your skin look fucking translucent. This sabotage happens because their white pigments are designed to reflect the sun’s harmful UV rays as well as camera flashes, giving you a white appearance. I’m honestly feeling so attacked rn I can’t even. I suggest using a nighttime foundation with low amounts of SPF because those won’t usually cause ghostface. If you’re a betch on a budget then try L’Oreal True Match foundation. It costs less than your Starbucks order and they have a wide range of shades.

Always Check The Ingredients In Your Powder

Sometimes it’s not even your foundation that’s screwing you over, it’s your powder—because apparently the betrayal from your beauty products knows no bounds. In particular, you should stay away from beauty products that have the ingredient silica in them because silica is the nastiest skank bitch you’ll ever meet and you should not trust it. Silica is used mainly in HD powders aka the good shit. HD powders are known for their light-reflecting particles that soak up oil and blur imperfections. Basically it’s like Facetune but IRL. But I guess all deals with the devil crazy good beauty products come with a price, because once you go to send a fire selfie to a fuckboy to make him regret not responding to your text last night, the flash comes out and can result in harsh white patches that make your skin look flaky AF. *adds “silica” entry into personal burn book* Nah, no betch has time for that shit. Instead stick to silica-free setting powders—trust me, you’ll thank me later.

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Ryanne Probst
Ryanne Probst
Ryanne wants you to know that her name is pronounced “Ryan” and that this is her childhood trauma. Formerly published as “It’s Britney, Betch” she’s the resident recapper for all things ‘Bachelor.' When she’s not talking sh*t, she’s drinking $8 wine and contemplating ways to burn ABC studios down to the ground. Catch her on Instagram (@ryprobst) where she’s either posting pictures of her dog or sliding into the DMs of former reality TV dating stars (you know who you are).