Nothing kills the mood more than returning to an ugly-ass home after a romantic (lol) night out with your Hinge date. How are you supposed to feel like the main character in a Nancy Myers movie when your apartment looks like shit? You can’t! Meryl Streep would never allow it. And whether you’re a fan of It’s Complicated or not, you can’t deny the sexual tension in that rom-com is ridiculous. And by sexual tension, I mean the tension between my bank account and that Santa Barbara villa. But don’t worry. No one is suggesting you have to fuck Steve Martin for a kitchen renovation.
Do I believe cute decor will help you get laid? Yes. Not because your hookup has a subscription to Architectural Digest but because a clean, cozy space will help you feel more confident. And Nancy Myers, more than anyone else in this world, understands the sex appeal of interior design. So, in honor of her, here’s a breakdown of home decor that will help set the mood for your overnight guests.
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Make Your Home Smell Good All The Time
I bet you thought I’d dedicate this entire article to scented candles, but you are wrong!! If your home is clean, then you won’t need to rely on shoving the smell of “cherry blossom Sunday morning palooza” down your sexual guest’s throat. Don’t just light a candle and cover up the smell of the leftovers you forgot to throw out. Use cleaning supplies to set the mood. (I’m dead serious.) The candle should be an accessory, not the main event. No one wants to choke down the scent of your overflowing trash can and a super sweet Yankee candle your aunt bought you for Christmas. But if you forgot to clean your place before your date, keep an oil diffuser on deck so your room always smells good, and there’s less chance of burning down your home (which is decidedly not sexy).
I’m Not Like Other Girls, I Read Giant Books
Coffee table books are hot! They act as a great conversation starter — even if you’ve never even opened the book before. Like, “Oh, do you also enjoy architecture from the Pacific Northwest? Me neither! Let’s fuck.” A few of my favorite are Archive by Sofia Coppola (so they know I’m a girl’s girl) and A Very Gay Book (self-explanatory). But I typically just scour thrift shops for the biggest I can find. Size matters in this case.
Good Lighting Means Less Money On Skincare
Who needs the pearl skin trend when you have cute lamps with dimmers? Good lighting makes everyone look good, and will help if you feel self conscious with sexy strangers. Also, if the sex gets really hot and aggressive and you accidentally knock the lamp off the table in the heat of the moment, the glass is pretty damn sturdy and can survive a beating. Have your main character moment!
Let’s Get Between The Sheets
Not all of us are doing it in public or trying dangerous sex positions off the back of a couch. Some of us have missionary sex in a bed like total normies. If you are someone who likes to have bed sex, then invest in nice sheets! With a little luck, you or your sex buddy will have their face pressed up against a linen duvet while getting railed from behind. Either way, for the love of god, please clean your sheets before an overnight guest comes over.
Organization Is Sexy
The last thing you wanna do when you’re getting down and dirty is run around naked trying to find lube or condoms or a sex toy or whatever you need to get yourself to cum. So, have it all in one place! I’m a big fan of cute storage bins under my bathroom sink so I know exactly where to find my illicit objects. But if you have a little room, soft pouches also do the trick.
Pillows Are More Than Just Decor
Get yourself a solid sex pillow like Dame’s Pillo. It acts as a wedge under your hips for various sex positions, and is great back support when reading a book in bed. It contains multitudes!!!
