Barbie this, Barbie that! As Barbie’s pink obsession has been splattered across social media feeds and billboards recently, I can’t help but think back to child me who would force her Barbies to play in an unusual way. (Yes, I would make my Barbies scissor, and don’t even pretend for a second that you didn’t either.) Okay, fine, maybe that was just part of my queer pipeline, but it really did get me thinking about this infamous position and the reality of it all.
As one of the most popular and most watched porn categories of all time, scissoring has undoubtedly attracted the attention of a wide demographic of viewers. First and foremost, let’s clear the air: Yes, scissoring is real, and believe it or not, not every double-vulva couple does it, and if they do, it may look completely different than how someone else does it and most likely a lot different than how my barbies used to scissor.
Curious about where the “scissoring isn’t real” propaganda began, I wanted real answers on what the position is truly like amongst the community and rely on perspectives other than what Urban Dictionary told me. To do this, I enlisted real queer people to share their experience scissoring. Compiled with help from both scissoring fanatics and scissoring haters, I come to you with the reality of what the highly misrepresented position is actually like behind closed doors and off-screen.
Expectation: Scissoring Equals Girls Rubbing Vulvas Together
According to Urban Dictionary, scissoring is defined as “Two girls rubbing their pussies together until one or both of them have an orgasm.” As this is most often what is portrayed in porn (especially the orgasm part), it is also what the majority of people see or expect when thinking about scissoring. As a baby gay, that’s unfortunately what I thought of, and was quickly put in my place.
Reality: There Is No “One Fits All” Definition of Scissoring
When I asked queer people with vulvas to define scissoring, I received a plethora of definitions such as, “Bodies connecting with vulvas near each other,” “Closeness,” “A funny symbol of queer sex,” “The most intimate type of sex people can have,” and “clit on clit stimulation.” It goes to show scissoring is a colloquial term; there are so many unofficial ways to scissor and no right way to perform this act.
Expectation: It Will Be Super Hot Immediately
The idea of scissoring is hot! Mutual pleasure benefits both participants and therefore pussy to pussy contact is probably one of the most intimate positions out there. For those who can find their perfect positioning, it’s been described as “magical” and “intense.” For others, scissoring may not work out on the first, second, or even third try.
Reality: Be Prepared to Laugh — It’s Awkward and Difficult
Scissoring is messy, awkward, and uncomfortable. It takes two very patient and trusting people. Our bodies are not rigid like Barbies, no matter how much we wish they were. We require a lot of trial and error to know what feels good. When it doesn’t work out with someone the first few times, it can be frustrating and leave us little motivation to continue trying. Scissoring is silly, and laughter is highly encouraged and probably needed to feel safe and comfortable while attempting to contort yourself into various poses in front of someone. Ignoring what you look like and focusing on what feels good is the only way to do scissoring “right.”
Expectation: You and Your Partner Will Fit Like Lock and Key
In porn, the actors can usually fall into position in just a few minutes and quickly moan with pleasure. From this depiction, it’s assumed the process of positioning will be easy with a partner. It looks a bit like gymnastics, but it can’t be that hard, right? Wrong.
Reality: Practice Makes Perfect
The thing about scissoring is that everybody is different, and everyone who scissors will need to adjust their positioning to suit their body and comfort. Finding that “perfect” position is where the challenge begins. I could write another Ultimate Scissor Guide like the ones already out there and share positions that work for other people, but in the end, my words won’t matter. As annoying as it is, the people who have mastered the scissor are those who kept working at it and tried one million different positions before giving up. Don’t get me wrong, this position is not for everyone, and if that’s your prerogative, so be it! But if you are interested, know that only you can maneuver your and your partner’s body to fully understand what feels best for both of you.
Expectation: You Can Start Scissoring Without Any Preparation
PornHub’s most viewed videos of scissoring are all of very skinny women with impressive flexibility skills. It’s important to remember porn is entertainment, not education. Mainstream porn is not focused on connection and consistency with a partner. When this is your only representation of sex, as it is for many queer people with limited educational resources, it’s easy to have these expectations and feel confused when videos don’t match up to your experience.
Reality: Add Stretching to Your Daily Routine
Don’t underestimate the power of a good 10-minute stretch before you head into a session with a partner. In fact, daily stretching can make positioning more manageable and allow you to hold out for longer. Tribbing, or the act of rubbing genitals against a partner’s body, is a great place to start (or end up) if you can’t quite work out the vulva to vulva positioning. To some, tribbing is the umbrella term under which scissoring falls. Although tribbing may not always lead to mutual stimulation, it’s a great option to try out if interested and is even preferred by many.
Expectation: All Sapphic People Scissor, and It’s Their Primary Way of Being Intimate
The internet seems to think that lesbian sex is equivalent to scissoring. Male and female sex equals penetration, and lesbian sex equals the scissoring position. Both are very far from the truth.
Reality: A Large Percentage of Sapphic People Rarely Scissor
Sapphic sex encompasses so many different forms of intimacy. Scissoring certainly can be one of them, but I think for many, it’s just one item on the menu, if on there at all. Double vulva sex does not have to involve scissoring in the slightest, despite what porn categories like to think.
Expectation: All Body Types Can Find a Comfortable Position
Porn doesn’t show us the multiple positioning attempts before they turn the cameras on. Therefore it’s assumed everyone can achieve it in just a few seconds… If only!
Reality: Larger Bodies Will Have a Lot More Trouble Positioning
Scissoring is strenuous on your muscles and requires EFFORT! When discussing scissoring with people, I found that larger-bodied people and couples can’t get it to work. If that’s your experience, don’t burn yourself out. Give tribbing a try and stick to what does give you pleasure. Sex is not fun if you are uncomfortable. There is no need to continue attempting something that you don’t enjoy.
Expectation: Both Parties Will Climax
“Urban Dictionary told me all girls have life-changing orgasms scissoring, so it’s obviously true. In fact, I watched a video on Pornhub of perfectly shaved women getting into position right away and climaxing in less than five minutes. I can’t wait for that to happen to me.” Think again, baby gay, think again.
Reality: Don’t Expect an Orgasm
Of the 20 sapphic people I surveyed, only two had ever climaxed from scissoring. Although possible in this position, go into the experience of having an orgasm as the cherry on top and certainly not the goal. Scissoring can be an appetizer or a way to get turned on before the main event. It can also be a gentle and sweet experience rather than the pussy pounding porn I’m sure you’ve seen.
Expectation: Everyone Will Enjoy It
When discovering your sexuality and interests, it is so easy to go along with what society writes in for you: All lesbians scissor and can orgasm from it and enjoy it. I’ll tell you firsthand that it can be very confusing when you don’t enjoy or don’t have any interest in something that you are “supposed” to be doing as a queer person.
Reality: Scissoring May Not Be For You
Queer people write their own rules, and the sex we choose to participate in is for us and no one else’s enjoyment. If you don’t ever want to try scissoring… don’t! If you attempted once and didn’t feel interested in trying again… don’t! Although an obvious statement, no sapphic couple needs to add scissoring to their sex menu if it’s not for them. Stick to what you enjoy and ignore what society pushes on you.
Expectation: It’s Not Worth The Trouble
As I’m sure you’ve gathered or experienced firsthand, scissoring is hard. Many people I talked to felt most scissoring happens in Hollywood and not in actual bedrooms. If you can’t get your positioning right, is it really worth it to keep trying?
Reality: Scissoring Can Be Magical
According to the scissor connoisseurs out there, yes! Communication and cooperative partnership is vital when going in. Leave your embarrassment and stereotypes at the door. One die-hard scissor fan wrote, “Scissoring is very magical, and everyone should try it at least once. The connection you feel with your partner is unexplainable, and I don’t think it gets enough credit.” Another pro-scissorer stated, “I thought it would be easier, but once I tried it, I learned very quickly you have to work towards it with your partner, which is really rewarding in the end if you think about it.”
Whatever your prerogative on scissoring, know that that’s your choice. For those of you out there going to attempt the scissoring journey… bring a bucket of lube along for the journey.
For those a little frustrated about the position not working … don’t give up just yet. Good luck out there in Scissorland. You’ve got this!
