Here Comes Aquarius Season: Weekly Horoscopes January 20-24

Welcome to Aquarius season, aka the mini age of Aquarius. This air sign is known for bringing people together, big picture ideas, and general rebellion, so bust out the metal straws, biodegradable bento boxes, and zero-waste grocery bags. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself taking to the streets over whatever cause is important to you, or, at the very least, posting some extremely long Instagram captions about the 2020 election. Basically, Aquarius season makes us all Cher at the end of Clueless donating her ski equipment to the Pismo Beach Disaster Relief Fund. Every little bit counts!


Aquarius season 2020 will be opening up your sense of what’s possible, Aries, meaning it’s time to upgrade your situation. Still using a phone with a cracked screen? Still holding on to that one random pair of underwear from 2005? It’s time to let it all go. This Aquarius season, you’re leveling the f*ck up in all aspects of your life, and nobody has ever leveled up in old underwear. It’s just a fact.


Aquarius season is reinvigorating your drive and ambition, so don’t give up on those 2020 goals just yet. This is a time to work on the big picture and make your plan of attack, so say yes to vision boards, outlines, timelines, and drafts. Get yourself prepared as f*ck, so that when the right moment arrives you can hop on it, knowing that it is step one of your plan to achieve complete world domination by 2021.


Aquarius is making you feel like the world is your oyster, and we literally mean the whole world. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself scrolling through travel hashtags this week or trying to convince yourself to open another credit card for the travel miles. If splurging on a last minute trip is available to you, God bless, and I’d love to hang out sometime. If it’s not, try exploring some unknown parts of your own area, like a new bar or one of those fancy movie theaters that serves dinner and lets you get drunk during the movie.


Aquarius season is increasing your passion for basically everything, but especially for your romantic relationships. You want romance, you want drama, you want sloppy makeouts in a semi public location. Basically, you want to be on The Bachelor. But since this season is already airing, it’s time to go out and meet some people. Luckily, there’s an app for that. Actually, there’s like 500 apps for that.


Aquarius is igniting your need to couple up, but not only in romance. Everywhere you go, you’re going to be forming dynamic duos, whether that be by tag-teaming an awesome project at work or by taking on a duet at karaoke night. The Aquarius influence has you wanting to connect with your fellow man, or should I say, your fellow drunk girl at the bar who is contemplating ordering cheese fries.


Great news, Virgo! Aquarius is bringing you the energy you need to actually hit your fitness goals. Yes, even the ones you gave up on January 2nd. Because Aquarius is all about doing sh*t in groups, you’ll find yourself way more motivated by group fitness classes than by solo YouTube workouts at home. Sign up for the two-week intro deal at some studios, or better yet, ask a friend if you can tag along on one of her buddy passes and get in for free.


Aquarius is boosting the f*ck out of your confidence. Why not use it to make a love match with somebody you actually like, and not just somebody who is tall and available on weekends? Your magnetic energy will literally draw people to you, meaning you’ll have more luck meeting potential suitors IRL than on the apps. As an added bonus, you’ll get way less dick pics that way.


Close down the blinds, fire up the crock pot, and put your phone on do not disturb, Scorpio, because Aquarius has you hibernating all f*cking month. The world is deeply jealous. Under Aquarius’ influence, you’ll be feeling the need to connect with your home and domestic life, but that doesn’t mean you have to just sit around doing nothing. Paint a wall, build a shelf, Marie Kondo the f*ck out of your bedroom— anything that will work as a reasonable excuse when your friends ask you to leave the house.


This Aquarius season, you’re in the mood to go out and do sh*t, despite the fact that its cold and Netflix has like 10 good true crime docs out right now. Whether they be group outings or solo outings, day drinking or night drinking, you need to get the f*ck out of the house and away from the TV. Save the TV shows for when you’re hungover on Sunday.


RIP your season, Capricorn. All good things must come to an end. Did you go a little splurge crazy during your birthday month? If so, you’re in luck because Aquarius is bringing you the financial discipline you need to dig yourself out of whatever credit hole you’ve gotten yourself in. You can probably start by cooling it on the Seamless.


Welcome to your season, Aquarius! Everyone’s acting a bit more like you this month and thank the good Lord for it. This is the month to focus on yourself and your needs, which can be tough for a sign that prefers to focus on literally everything else. For one glorious month, all the other signs are finally able to join you in seeing the big picture, meaning you won’t have to spend so much time explaining sh*t. Enjoy every last minute of it before its Pisces season and you’re back to explaining everything to everyone.


Bust out the beret, Pisces! Your already creative sign is getting an extra dose of inspiration this month thanks to Aquarius, meaning you’re going to be your most artsy-fartsy self. Focus on things that feed your creative spirit this month like art projects, writing, dance, or just coming up with new excuses for why you won’t be coming into the office today.

Images: Giphy (6)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.