Gwyneth Paltrow & Angelina Jolie's Allegations Against Harvey Weinstein Are So Gross

Last week, Hollywood learned what any woman who has ever just tried to go out dancing without being bothered has known for a long time: Creepy dudes are fucking everywhere, especially in high places. Harvey Weinstein, the gelatinous blob/co-owner of The Weinstein Company, one of Hollywood’s biggest production companies, was fired after a New York Times piece detailing decades of sexual harassment allegations and settlements was published. I’d say that I was surprised, but then I remembered who is president and I guess I’m not surprised at all. And as if 13 allegations of sexual harassment dating back to the 1990s weren’t enough, the allegations have been corroborated by A-List actors like Ashley Judd, and now Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie are stepping forward.

While all the allegations against Weinstein are extremely vomit-inducing (one literally involves him trapping a woman in the kitchen of a restaurant and masturbating in front of her), Gwyneth’s are especially shocking, given her close connection to the Weinstein Company and status as the “First Lady of Miramax” in the 90s.

Here’s what Gwyneth said went down. Make sure you’re near a bucket in case you feel the sudden urge to puke:

Gwyneth was 22 and on a trip to LA when she received a schedule from her agents for a “hotel meeting” with Weinstein. Obviously, Gwyneth didn’t think this would be sexual because she considered him a mentor and like, one does not typically receive a Google Cal invite (or whatever the 1990s equivalent was) for sexual harassment. A page? Whatever, that’s not important.

When Gwyneth arrived at Weinstein’s hotel he “tried to massage her” (EW) and “invited her into the bedroom” (EW). Casual reminder that Gwyneth is literally engaged to 90s-era Brad Pitt at this time, and Harvey Weinstein looks like Silly Putty that has been formed into the shape of a man so like…needless to say, she was not interested.

After rejecting his incredibly gross advances, Gwyneth told Brad Pitt (like ya do), who then approached Weinstein at a movie premiere and told him to “never touch Ms. Paltrow again,” further proving that 90s-era Brad Pitt can literally get it any time.

Weinstein then went full guilty fuckboy human scumbag on Gwyneth, “berating” her over the phone phone for telling Pitt about the episode. Reminder that Gwyneth is a 22-year-old nobody at this point, and not the 46-year-old A-list star/GOOP mogul she is today, so she legitimately had reason to fear for her career.

“I was expected to keep the secret,” Gwyneth said. She would go on to win an Academy Award for her role in Shakespeare In Love, a film produced by Weinstein. There are even pics of her having to stand next to him while holding her award, which is like, definitely a metaphor for the complex nature of career womanhood or some shit.

We have less details about Angelina’s story, but here’s what she told the press:

During the late 90s release of Playing By Heart, Weinstein made “unwanted advances” on her in a hotel room, which she then rejected because “getting rejected by beautiful, talented women” is kind of Harvey Weinstein’s thing.

“I had a bad experiences with Harvey Weinstein in my youth, and as a result, chose never to work with him again and warn others when they did,” Jolie said in an email.

Sidenote: Is Harvey Weinstein specifically obsessed with harassing women who have gotten married to Brad Pitt, or does he just harass so many women that, statistically, a few of them will have been married to Brad Pitt? Probs the latter, but who knows?

These allegations, in combination with those made public by Ashley Judd and the New York Times, paint an extremely grim picture of life as a Hollywood starlet, and that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that literally everybody knew.

Weinstein’s behavior was apparently an “open secret” in Hollywood, with Seth McFarlane literally joking about it while hosting the Oscars in 2013.

“Congratulations, you five ladies no longer have to pretend to be attracted to Harvey Weinstein,” McFarlane joked while reading the nominees for Best Actress. He also performed a musical number called “We Saw Your Boobs” directed at nominees during that same Oscars. Color me not surprised that the guy who is still making Family Guy‘s humor is stuck in the early 2000s and also the human equivalent of drugstore sushi.

The saddest part of all of this, of course, is that there are Harvey Weinsteins pulling this kind of fuckery, and Seth McFarlanes joking about/covering up said fuckery, at every level. I mean, just think for two seconds and you can probably come up with your very own Harvey Weinstein. These low-level Weinsteins are just as gross, but not even able to put you in an Academy Award-winning film, so they are somehow even more useless than Weinstein himself, who is pretty fucking useless.

If these allegations make you depressed to be a woman, that’s understandable, but take comfort in the fact that there are literally one million reasons to be depressed to be a woman every single day, so at least you know how to handle these things when they come up.

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.