The weekend may start with a Friday the 13th, but a New Moon and solar eclipse save your ass from total destruction. Fun Fact: Friday the 13th has nothing to do with your horoscope, really. You still might get bad vibes heading into the weekend with dark nighttime skies thanks to said New Moon, but like, no black cats or witches or anything. Still, it’s a perfect opportunity to snuggle up with a hottie to watch scary movies in honor of the 13th. If you ask me, that doesn’t sound too unfortunate—just don’t go breaking any mirrors. Here are your weekend horoscopes for July 13-15:
Mercury’s power in your sign means you will not be able to hold your tongue this weekend. You won’t sit back at the weekend barbecue when some skank starts running her mouth with godawful opinions. Like, sorry, I know it’s “Trump’s America” or whatever, but that doesn’t give you a pass to be racist, sexist or a general bigot. I’m looking at you, Papa John. People better mind their manners around you this weekend, because you aren’t afraid to wag a finger and let someone know what’s up.
The Solar Eclipse occurring in your communication zone Thursday will impact the rest of the weekend. You might be running damage control from all the tea you spilled while under the influence of the moon. Whether you revealed a deep dark secret about yourself or someone else, it might be best to just not bring it up again and hope your friends were too distracted looking at their own Instagram posts to remember what you said.
Expect support in unexpected places this week. Maybe someone you’re not great of friends with steps in to hold your hair while you throw up after too many margaritas. Maybe your Hinge hookup comes through with words of encouragement about your job. Maybe you find a bralette that actually keeps your boobs up. Take relief in knowing reinforcements are coming.
Sure, you can get defensive about things, but this is the weekend to show you’re a lover, not a fighter. Instead of bickering with your boyfriend, channel that annoyed feeling into passionate sorta-anger sex. Instead of replying to your insane aunt’s political Facebook posts, screenshot them and send to your mom to have a good laugh about her crazy sister. Turn every situation that could make you angry into something that could make you laugh, or orgasm. Either works.
Mercury and Neptune are at odds with each other in your house of secrets. Being full of secrets won’t make your hair bigger, Leo, but it will make it risky for you to drink around someone you’re hiding something from. Instead of avoiding booze, avoid being around people you have to hide shit from. I guess if you’re going to spill the tea this weekend, just make sure it’s the Long Island kind.
The hidden Moon in your chart can leave you feeling bored and restless. You better have plans that distract you this weekend or you’ll probably drive yourself crazy tapping through those horrible “ask me a question” stories on Insta. It’s summer, so there should be a lot going on. This weekend, make like Cardi B’s baby and head out.
Trade the strong for sweet this weekend. They say you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, so take a softer approach to getting what you want. Play it low-key. You know the horrendous sparkly outfits Becca wears on The Bachelorette? Yeah, your personality should give off the opposite vibe. The right people will notice you for hanging back, playing it cool, and not drawing too much attention to yourself. Hey, it’s summer, everyone could use a little chill.
Your visibility is especially high this weekend. I mean, you’re a Scorpio, so when is it not? Anyway, chatty Mercury in your reputation zone means mouthing off to the wrong person could come back to bite you in the ass. Play nicey-nice with your boss and coworkers on Friday. Over the weekend, make sure you’re texting your shit-talking message to the right person. Ever send the message straight to the person you’re talking about because their name was on your mind? Yeah. Keep that from happening, plz.
Thursday’s New Moon has put you on a new path. You’re starting to make decisions that are the best for you, but others might not understand. Be cautious explaining yourself to people who are never going to back you up in the way you need. Over the course of the weekend, ride-or-dies will emerge, and fake friends will reveal themselves.
Independence Day came and went, but you’re still obsessed with your freedom this summer. Anyone acting like a Stage 5 clinger will get the boot. Whether it’s a dude who wants to lock it down after five dates or a friend who wants to be invited to every single thing you do because she doesn’t have a life, you need to draw the line. Cut the bullshit and cut the cord this weekend.
Time to drop the perfectionist act. This weekend, let the chips fall where they may instead of trying to totally control everything into submission. Attempting to seem perfect, like you have it all together all the time, is exhausting and boring. Grab some frosé, let your hair down, and accept the hot, unevenly tanned mess you are this summer.
Work on patience and forgiveness this weekend. Like when your boyfriend cheers for Croatia in the World Cup and then you suddenly remember he had a threesome during yacht week there—that’s the perfect time to practice your zen, forgiving Pisces spirit. The planets don’t align in a way that makes you good at explaining your feelings this weekend, so instead of ruining everyone else’s time being upset, just forgive and forget.
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