As far as religious holidays go, Easter is pretty lit. It’s basically brunch, but with some chocolates shaped like adorable animals and Jesus talk thrown in. Because betches love to complain, I do have one serious problem with the holiday, and that’s its extremely nice girlish use of colors. Typically, I only wear black, and for some reason, every time Easter rolls around people expect you to wear as much pastel as a frat that just had a Vineyard Vines outlet open up nearby. Like, I get that Easter is basically the opposite of a funeral given the whole Jesus coming back from the dead thing, but I highly doubt the disciples were rocking searsucker for the occasion. But if you, like most people, have a grandmother who would lose her shit if you rolled up to Easter Mass in a black trenchcoat and shades, here are a few tips for dressing for Easter without looking like a cadbury egg.
1. Prove You’re A Bad Betch With A Strong Silhouette.
Close your eyes and picture a pale pink tank top with ruffles on it. Fugly, right? Okay, well, maybe not always. This tank is really more of a muscle tee than a tank, so it’s actually cool despite the fact that it perfectly matches an Easter aesthetic. It manages to be girly and appropriate while also signaling to all of your mom’s church friends that you have absolutely 0 interest in reconnecting with their son from church camp.
2. Wear Denim.
Your mom will probably be pissed if you show up to celebrate Easter in jeans (“JESUS DIDN’T DIE ON THE CROSS FOR YOU TO BE CASUAL!”), but there are lots of tasteful denim options that can double as an Easter look. Also, denim is one of the easiest ways to make it look like you’re wearing color when you’re really not, so it’s the best option for people who are violently opposed to anything even resembling church attire. Channel your inner dating-Justin-Timberlake era Britney Spears and try a denim dress. That way, you’re appropriately dressed for church without letting anybody make the mistake of thinking you’re still that sweet little girl from bible study.
3. Stay Trendy AF.
Okay, this is probably the most obvious style tip ever, but don’t dress like an Easter egg just because you think you have to. Look for pieces that incorporate trends you’re currently into and would wear to blackout with your friends, but are slightly more appropriate for a daytime family function. This lace-up tunic style dress is reminiscent of the slutty bodysuit that literally every girl on Earth wore to the club last weekend, but it’s peach with a lace trim and doesn’t show any cleavage, so you won’t feel uncomfortable when your mom makes you say whaddup to the priest.
4. Wear neutrals
In our daily lives, neutral tones are basically the only acceptable wardrobe shades apart from grey and our beloved black. Neutral tones also have the added bonus that they can kind of look like pastels with the right Instagram filter, so nudes, beiges and champagnes are more than acceptable Easter attire. In fact, in every picture I’ve seen of Jesus he’s been wearing some version of beige, so if anybody side eyes you for your look, please casually remind them that you’re actually just paying tribute to the real fashion trends of the year zero.
5. Wear Pastel Shoes.
If you really must wear black (and honestly, you must) pastel shoes are a very good way to avoid your uncle with enough bad jokes to write every Tinder bio in the tri-state area hitting you with a “whose funeral?” as soon as you walk through the door. When your closet is pretty much just one color, a floral heel can actually be really versatile. Just put on a pair of these ankle strap block heels and just dare your freaky homeschooled second cousin to say that you’re not festive enough for Christ. I fucking dare you, Margaret.