Corinne And Her Platinum Vagine Are "Most Likely" Going On 'Bachelor In Paradise'

As we have all known since she took her first sip of Champagne on The Bachelor, Corinne Olympios was literally made for Paradise. Like, I get that she was “in love” with Nick and all that, but I think it’s safe to say that the world needs Corinne blacking out on an island in Mexico with 25 other hot singles more than it needs her in L.A. carrying Nick Viall’s groceries. Well, we are all one step closer to making that happen. Corinne told E! News that she is “most likely” going to Paradise, adding she’s “still not sure yet.” Now, I think we all know that Corinne is absolutely a yes for BIP, she’s just playing this whole thing out for as long as she can. Why? To get attention aka Corinne’s oxygen. Without it, she would suffocate and die, and that would be a horrible day, not only for Bachelor Nation, but for the world.

“Most likely, yes. So not 100 percent locked in yet,” were her exact words, which incidentally is what I say every Saturday night to my friends/myself/my dignity when asked if I’m going to go over to fuck see that guy I’ve been bitching about all week. So yeah, you can bet we’ll be seeing her this season.

Meanwhile, Raven is out here like:


Photo: @badboi Makeup: @devonduff

A post shared by ravennicolegates (@ravennicolegates) on

Apr 11, 2017 at 10:15am PDT

That’s what we in the biz call a “Mexican Thirst Trap.” 

Just to catch you up on what Corinne (and, by extension, Raquel) have been up to ever since she straddled Nick in a bounce house and changed all of our lives, girl has been hustling. First, she’s launching her own clothing line called Team Corn which features tanks and tees with sayings like “Okay, but first cheese pasta” and “Dude I need sushi” and, of course, “Platinum Vagine.” I’d make fun of it if I wasn’t low-key already on her website buying two of every color.

In addition to the Team Corn T-shirt line, Corinne is looking to expand her empire into swim and activewear, as well as starting her own podcast, where she’ll presumably talk mad shit on other Bachelor contestants (Taylor) and give advice on how to treat your adult nanny. Corinne is also in a kind-of relationship, though she won’t say with who (is it Chad?). All she’s told us is that he lives in L.A. (seriously, Chad?), they’ve been “vibing really nicely,” (please, let it be Chad) and she’s known him for “a really long time.” Honestly, as long as he’s not also dating 25 other women, it’s a step up from her last relationship. And seriously, if this “special someone” is what keeps Corinne from going to Mexico, then not only is he selfish, but he is keeping her from America in a time where we need her most.

Make America Corinne Again, fam!

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.