In case the fact that your hangovers now last like, an eternity wasn’t indication enough, you’re kind of on your way to getting old AF. Yet another company has made moves to prove that your childhood is totally over. CoverGirl is no longer easy, breezy, AIM is currently RIP, and now Coach isn’t even called Coach anymore.
The company responsible for your favorite Hanukkah present from 2006 announced that it’s now going to call itself Tapestry. Realistically, this doesn’t actually affect anyone because nobody rocks Coach besides Selena Gomez these days since she’s
probably contractually obligated to. And maybe some good will come out of this change, like retiring those horrendous opposite-facing C’s forever. However, it’s still sad in the same way that it’s sad to see that your prom date now posts filtered selfies on Facebook. It doesn’t really matter, but change is still hard to swallow.
Apparently Coach’s name change is meant to reflect the fact that the company also includes the Kate Spade and Stuart Weitzman brands, but we all know it’s probably because they’re trying to distance themselves from their reputation as the company that makes the flip flop wedges and trendy librarian loafers taking up prime shelf space at Nordstrom Rack. Ugh, wait. I just read that Coach will still continue to make Coach bags, just they will be doing so under the larger brand, whose name will now be Tapestry. Well that’s underwhelming, but my point about the C’s still stands. End it.
Regardless, just like deleting drunk texts in the morning doesn’t change the fact that you’ve sent them, renaming a company isn’t really enough for a rebrand.
Coach Tapestry better have big plans, or at least a Kylie Jenner endorsement in the works, if they expect any of us to start buying their shit again.