Brianna Chickenfry’s relationship with Zach Bryan started with a huge, romantic gesture. I mean, she was brought onstage in the middle of a stadium show. But as we know, things are not always as picture-perfect as they seem. There was a lot of drama surrounding Brianna and Zach’s relationship (including some tension with Brianna’s *former* BFF Grace O’Malley), but after their breakup in October, Brianna opened up about some of the red flags she missed early on.
In an episode of Alex Earle’s “Hot Mess” podcast, Brianna opened up about how Zach would constantly nitpick her career, wardrobe, and basically her whole personality, which left her second-guessing herself. He apparently was also a huge love bomber. I mean, he got her name tattooed… after a week of dating.
Brianna explained that she felt anxious around certain red flags at the beginning, but because it was such a whirlwind romance, she did what we’ve all been guilty of at some point in our lives: she didn’t listen to her gut. But I get it, it can be hard to even recognize red flags, let alone set boundaries when they come up. That’s why Dr. Wendy Walsh, Relationship Expert with DatingAdvice.com, tells Betches that it’s important to realize what minor red flags look like, what major red flags look like, and when to know to get TF out of a relationship.
Now, sometimes, there are little things that someone you’re getting to know will do that might annoy you. They might show up late to things, be slow to respond to messages, or might not be good at planning a date. These are all things that can be discussed and even worked through.
But other times, there are some red flags that might be an indication that you should just leave that person alone.
“The big ones have to do with behaving in a way that makes you feel seriously dismissed,” Dr. Walsh says. “If a potential amour cancels at the last minute — or worse — doesn’t show up at all, write them off.” If they ghost you for a few days, don’t respond to texts, but then randomly come back, that’s super disrespectful, and she explains that you shouldn’t give them a second chance.
Some Big Red Flags Also Include…
- Dodging personal questions faster than you dodge your ex’s Insta stories — especially when it comes to his past relationships. What’s he hiding? Probably a lot.
- Always steering the convo to your looks or sex. If every text from him is giving “Netflix and chill,” he’s not looking for love — he’s looking for a hookup.
- “I hate my mom.” Okay, Freud, chill. Hate to break it to you, but that mommy drama is gonna get projected onto you faster than you can say “therapy.”
- “My mom is my best friend.” Cool, so you’re not just dating him, you’re dating her too. Spoiler alert: You’ll always come second.
- Catching him in a lie — and not the cute kind like adding an inch to his height. We’re talking lies that scream “I have no morals.” Red flag city, population: him.
- Not tipping or being rude to waitstaff. If he treats the server badly, guess what? He’s not as kind as he wants you to believe, and his superiority complex is showing.
- Says anything sexist or racist. No explanation needed — just block and move on. Trash takes itself out.
Dr. Walsh explains that any of these red flags are usually an indication that you’re seeing someone who has some serious issues that you will undoubtedly be dragged into.
Now, it can be hard figuring out when a red flag is a relationship-ender or just something you need to discuss.
“There’s no such thing as a perfect person and learning to have a healthy committed relationship means learning to compromise,” Dr. Walsh says. “I think they important thing to know is that you shouldn’t be with somebody who doesn’t support your values.”
She also explains that you should look inward and ask yourself if you’re worrying about small flaws that are really more of an indication of your own fears around intimacy. But again, we’re not experts, so it can be helpful to talk to one. Always remember you can talk through certain issues with your therapist to see if you might be involved with with someone who has some pretty glaring red flags.
And at the end of the day, you can always just leave. Even if other people might not agree with what you label a red flag, your feelings matter. If something truly bothers you about a potential (or current) partner, trust your gut.
