Brad And Angelina Are Reportedly Getting Back Together

While most of the world is still recovering from the tragic news of Chris Pratt and Anna Faris’ breakup, we, the hard-hitting journalists of the world, have different celebrity couples to move on to. Namely, Brad and Angelina, and why they might not be calling it quits after all.

Are you okay? Did you faint? Yes, you read that correctly. Brangelina, power couple of the century, adopters of seven million children, human rights pioneers, might be giving it another shot. Let’s discuss.

It’s been 11 months since Angelina first confirmed the divorce was happening, when she said that it was “for the health of the family.” The world momentarily stopped turning and we definitely shed a tear or 100, but now there are new developments. According to reports, they haven’t moved forward on the divorce in several months, and it seems unlikely that they will anytime soon.

Tears Of Joy

Sources say that Brad got sober to try and win Angie back, which sounds like no fun but also, like, good for him. Angie supposedly read about his changes in his GQ story in May and had a change of heart. What, he couldn’t just text her that he was sober or slide into her DMs like a normal person? Whatever. In the story, Brad repeatedly uses “boozing” as a verb, which makes us slightly uncomfortable in the way that our dads saying “lit” makes us uncomfortable, but it’s the thought that counts.

Also, last month in an interview for Vanity Fair, Angie said that the divorce has been the “hardest time, and we’re just kind of coming up for air.” What does all this mean?? Why are all these developments happening through magazine interviews? Sorry to all you girls who are still Team Jen Aniston, but it looks like Angie and Brad might be back together. Thank god. Just when I was starting to think love is a construct invented by the film industry and we’re all sitting in a rock hurtling through space *puts down blunt*. Now I can die happy, as long as this doesn’t mean a Mr. & Mrs. Smith sequel.