Bob Mueller Has Questions For Trump And So Do We

It is finals season, which means you’re probably upping your Adderall (legally, of course) and taking espresso straight to the veins. Test taking is hard and to make you feel better, you’re not alone. No, I’m not talking about all the other hundreds of thousands of students. I’m talking about the big baby in the White House, Donald Trump. This week he was issued a pop quiz with questions from Robert Mueller, his least favorite teacher.

The New York Times acquired a list of questions Mueller sent Trump a 
that covered a wide variety of topics. Honestly, if I didn’t hate Trump so much and the thought of him failing anything didn’t make me want to order a celebratory round of mimosas, I’d pity him because this test seems very hard to study for. The questions Mueller sent to Trump’s legal team center around James Comey, Jeff Sessions, WikiLeaks, Michael Cohen, and even a secret meeting at an island resort. That last one seems like Mueller might just want in on the timeshare there, but whatever.

So what on earth do all these questions mean? If Trump doesn’t pass does he have to stay back a grade or flunk out of the presidency? I wish. What it shows us is that Mueller is a studious bitch who is approaching this investigation on all angles, and appears to be focused on obstruction of justice. He’s asking a ton of questions about Comey and not as much about potential Russian collusion. (Sorry to my Russian conspiracy stans out there.) He’s attacking on all fronts and Trump should be rightly nervous. And what does the leader of the free world do when he’s nervous? He does exactly what I do after three glasses of Merlot. A tweet spree.

This morning Trump tweeted, “So disgraceful that the questions concerning the Russian Witch Hunt were ‘leaked’ to the media. No questions on Collusion. Oh, I see…you have a made up, phony crime, Collusion, that never existed, and an investigation begun with illegally leaked classified information. Nice!”

Nice, indeed, Mr. President. Nice, indeed.

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