Is the most loveless season in Love Is Blind history season 7? Hard to say, but it sure feels like it, mainly because most of these couples started out so loved up. Alex and Tim went from playground enemies to betrothed soulmates to each other’s biggest haters in the span of a few episodes. Monica and Stephen are a walking advertisement for staying single forever after he cheated on her in the presence of a medical professional. Then Ashley got whacked in the face with the news of Tyler’s THREE secret “sperm donor” children. In the face of all of that turmoil, Hannah’s qualms with Nick’s general doofusry seemed like small potatoes. And yet, by episode 10, I was practically begging for Hannah and Nick’s breakup. My hot take? Hannah was actually the bigger problem in their relationship. Before you go screaming “Bethenny, you don’t support other women!”, take a look at my evidence of Hannah criticizing Nick on Love Is Blind.
Honestly, after the third batch of Love Is Blind: DC episodes, describing Hannah’s behavior towards Nick as “critical” kinda sorta feels like putting it lightly. I know this probably isn’t true, but the way Hannah speaks to and about Nick feels akin to how I’d talk about a rando from Hinge who lied about his height and rambled about his childhood for 2.5 hours. News flash, I hate him!
When Hannah pop-quizzed Nick on the concept of stocks like he was a child about to be left behind, I, too, was too stunned to speak. Even Michael Scott asked Oscar to explain finances to him like he was five, not like it was his first day on planet Earth. To be clear, Hannah’s not wrong at all for being shook after watching a grown man struggle to boil pasta. Me, personally, I can’t stand when a man… (yes, that’s the end of the sentence). But when you love someone enough to agree to build a life with them, aren’t you supposed to be naturally inclined to offer them a spare ounce of grace? As a treat? Just because Hannah has an unalienable right to expect her future husband to get his shit together doesn’t mean she should drag him like a ragdoll every step of his much-needed growth.
In hindsight, the signs of Hannah’s disdain for the Dorka showed up early on. She was disappointed on day one by his less-than-quarterback looks (to be fair, Nick wouldn’t shut up about how he was a kicker, and as a certified cheerleader she should be familiar with their general stature). Then there was the duck race incident that will go down in history as more upsetting than Seabiscut’s last race. Hannah tried to get over the ick, but discovering Nick’s parents paid his cell phone bill put her back to square one.
As a 31-year-old who was recently pushed off of the family plan kicking and screaming, maybe I’m biased about that being totally normal and fine (!!!), but I can still understand Hannah’s concerns about independence. What I can’t understand is why she would go through with meeting his parents after being so repulsed by Nick’s soft life. Though spoiled only children deeply scare me, I was endeared when Nick’s mom explained she did too much because of what she never had growing up. If meeting the people who made Nick didn’t help Hannah understand him more, that should’ve been the perfect time to call it quits.
Where I really felt Hannah started doing the heavy lifting in Nick’s villain origin story is when she divulged her unfiltered thoughts on their less-than-satisfactory sex life. While a woman should certainly be able to freely vent to her girlfriends (especially if her man isn’t willing to get cozy with her vagina) was the big party with all of their mutuals the time or place to put him on blast? Hannah knows that partner feedback about sex should be handled delicately, and yet she rattled off Nick’s shortcomings without giving him a chance to respond. She admits maybe he just hasn’t had to “opportunity to learn” these things, yet we never saw Hannah initiate a “gentle” conversation with Nick about how to please her.
Maybe Hannah is a man whisperer who molded Nick into the man he is today, just like she said. But for someone so proud of their emotional maturity, why couldn’t Hannah see she should’ve walked away long before inviting her friends to bash a guy who did nothing but praise her, inside and out?
Hannah’s the problem, not because Nick isn’t a goofy mess, but because she had an idea of who she was signing up to marry in the first place. Sure, they probably didn’t make a chore chart in the pods, but you can’t tell me Nick wasn’t flaunting his flirtiness and pampered privilege when talking about his life story (the man lives in his parent’s basement, FFS). Hannah’s parents seemed to imply her harsh energy was a bit of self-sabotage and I can’t help but agree (with maybe a teeny tiny dash of delusions of grandeur). By the time Hannah was making Nick list his responsibilities, like a recruiter going over a candidate’s resume, I was ready to march on the poor guy’s behalf.
Nick thinking adult love is as simple as snuggling his cat is pretty naive. But it doesn’t make him a villain. Hannah knowing that Nick could never make her happy while stringing him along to put him through her life coach boot camp kind of does. Now, let us gather ’round in a prayer circle to ask the universe to send Hannah the Big & Tall Prince Charming she knows she deserves.
Want more hot takes on Hannah and Nick’s relationship? Watch Love is Blind recap with U UP? hosts Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham.
