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The time has officially come to say a big French goodbye to our friends at Vanderpump Villa. Summer is coming to a close, which means lilac dresses will be packed, Lisa’s floppy hats will be stored away, and the staff have will (hopefully) squashed all outstanding beef before they leave the château.
Things have hit a boiling point as we head into the final episode of Vanderpump Villa, with romantic tension at an all-time high. Gabriella and Andre have been hooking up and maybe, kinda dating. The problem is that they haven’t defined anything and there’s a huge elephant in the room as to where their relationship is heading. Meanwhile, a new staffer named Nikki has arrived on the premises and her general hotness threatens Hannah’s relationship with Marciano.
On the non-romantic side, Telly and Emily have been busy knocking heads over the fact that Emily not-so-subtly wants Telly’s job. She makes this fact crystal clear to Lisa after she overhears Telly telling the guests that she’s sick of working at the villa. If Telly doesn’t want to be there, Emily tells Lisa, then she’s happy to step in.
The final episode of Vanderpump Villa kicks off with Lisa confronting Telly about her negative comment. As she’s being reprimanded, you can see Telly mentally calculating who sold her out. Lisa’s pissed, Telly’s pissed, and Emily better go hide because you’re in danger, girl.
Meanwhile, a group of female guests are hitting on Andre as they embark on their second-to-last night at the villa. Does Gabriella hate this? Yes. Is Andre enjoying himself? Also yes. Privately, he tells the camera that he’s maybe still a little salty that Gabriella kissed a guest a few episodes back…so why shouldn’t he have some fun too? As an uncertain tension mounts between the two, Eric decides to add some more fuel to the already bubbling cauldron by suggesting to the guests that Emily make them a drink.
This is, of course, the worst possible thing he could do. Telly is already convinced that her job is being sabotaged, so she is practically seething as Emily heads behind the bar. She informs the camera that we’re all about to experience World War III and…well…she’s not wrong.
Telly pulls Emily aside and calls her out for tattling to Lisa. Emily…doesn’t really care? Basically, she tells Telly that if she sees an opportunity for a job, she’s going to take it. This infuriates Telly, who immediately goes to Hannah to shit talk and, honestly, Hannah is kind of loving it. For the first time in a very long time, she is not at the center of the drama and that’s a very, very good thing for her.
And then there’s the new girl. Nikki decides to shoot her shot with Andre because it’s basically the last day of senior year, and screw it, right? Andre isn’t totally against it. Things with Gabriella have been moving so fast, he confides to the camera, and maybe he hasn’t thought it through yet. As they’re in the middle of exchanging some hardcore flirting, Gabriella walks in on them. It’s uncomfortable, no one says anything, and when she storms out the only person who follows her is a random guest who has been a bystander to all the drama.
As another night of screaming matches comes to a close and the last morning at the villa rises, Lisa sends the staffers off on a river boat for a final little treat. This would be fun if not for the fact that several people hate each other and are now going to be stuck at sea together. Half the group gets hammered. Things get messy, but — this time — in a more ~whimsical~ way. Several people are spanking Emily. Hannah and Nikki kiss and Hannah declares that, despite all their differences, she has decided that they are actually the same person.
The celebrations continue at the château, where Lisa declares that she’ll be serving her staffers this evening. (Well, to a point. She refuses to bring Hannah towels.) Couples have some of their final conversations as they figure out what the future holds for them. Marciano tells Hannah he loves her and they decide to give it another shot, though she very fairly warns him that if he fucks up again, it’s really done. Meanwhile, Andre and Gabriella suggest that they’ll see where things go and she’ll visit him in Austin. This is admittedly extremely confusing after everything that just happened with him and Nikki…but c’est la vie.
The pièce de résistance is that, at their going away dinner, Lisa gifts every single staffer a check for $8,000. It’s genuinely a very sweet moment, with several noting that this is a life-changing amount of money. Most everyone is crying, including Hannah, despite the fact that she admits that she’s pretty much hated everyone throughout this journey.
As the night darkens, the staffers dance together and all the guys (minus Chef) have shed their shirts because, of course they have. There’s hugs, there’s sparklers, it’s like the last day of camp but way, way hornier. And thus, in a rare moment of drama-free joy, the episode draws to a close and we bid a final au revoir to our friends at Vanderpump Villa.
