Valentine’s Day is coming up, which means it’s time for another reminder about how love is fucking dead. One of The Chainsmokers cheated on his girlfriend, allegedly, and this shit got sloppy real quick. The guy in question is Alex Pall, who is notably *not* the hot one (that’s Drew Taggart), and his girlfriend Tori Woodward. They’ve been together since the beginning of 2014, which is like, a long time any way you look at it.
But it turns out, unsurprisingly for someone who makes a living standing in front of a computer pretending to make music, Alex Pall is a dumb idiot douchebag man! Tori, who is our new private investigator, got ahold of security camera footage of Alex allegedly making out with another girl, and we are really impressed, but also have a lot of questions. Was it Tori’s own security camera? Did she have to hack into someone else’s security camera footage? Is she working for the NSA??
Because Tori is a savage betch, she was not content to just confront Alex about his actions, no no no. Instead, she put him on fucking blast on her INSTAGRAM STORY. As in, posted screenshots with some truly dramatic AF captions about how love is dead. Do a dramatic reading of these if you like:
“Alex is disgusting. Men are trash. Don’t ever forget it.”
“They’ll look you in the eyes and tell you they love you. Then destroy you without a second thought.”
“After hours of begging him for scraps of honesty, I chipped away just enough to confirm that this is not the first time he’s remorsely [sic] cheated on me.”
Okay Tori, looks like we’ve got Taylor Swift Jr. on our hands over here. We do need to point out that “remorsely” definitely isn’t a word, but using the power of context clues, we can infer that she meant the opposite (i.e. without remorse). We got your back, girl. She also called the girl in the screenshots a “lame instagram model” and a “psycho bitch from Vegas,” both of which would probably qualify as occupations on The Bachelor.
The screenshots were taken down, and Tori says it was because Alex reported them. This girl seems to be going through a lot right now, but if she keeps it up she’ll probably get offered a reality show—which, for the record, we would definitely watch—so at least there’s that. Stay strong, Tori, but maybe get off Insta stories for a while and get a doctor to prescribe you some Xanax.
