7 Phrases To Professionally Throw Shade That You Need To Know

I know I say this all of the time, but being an adult sucks. Like, it really fucking blows. Temper tantrums are frowned upon, and naps are few and far between. Perhaps the worst part is that you have to cordially interact with other people who also would rather be napping or crying for at least 40 hours every week. Here are a few shady phrases you can drop into your professional emails to passive-aggressively let people know you are here to fuck shit up.

1. “Please Advise”

If you’ve never tacked “please advise” to the end of an email when you’re basically the humanization of that meme where the dog is sitting in a kitchen that’s on fire, then you probably vaguely have your shit together. Congratulations. For the rest of us, “please advise” is like, the closest thing we have to just straight-up calling our moms. It’s a cry for help. It can also be used as some serious shade directed at one of your colleagues who just botched something important, as in, “please advise how you could have fucked this up so badly, and please advise how you are going to fix it right tf now.”

2. “I Just Wanted To Follow Up On This”

Personally, every time I follow up on an email, I’m just using all of my willpower to not type “ARE YOU STILL TEXTIN’ BITCHES? YES OR NO?” Following up on emails is the real world equivalent of triple texting that guy you’re “talking to.”

3. “Moving Forward”

If you ever get the chance to write “moving forward” in an email, you’ve pretty much made it. “Moving forward” is code for “maybe try not to be such a fuckup next time.” At this point in your professional career, you’re probably receiving that more than you’re sending it, so def jump on it if you ever get the chance.

4. “Per My Last Email”

This is the polite version of asking someone if they can even fucking read. While this is definitely one of the shadiest email phrases to keep in your back pocket, use it sparingly. People really tend to misuse the words “as per” and sprinkle them throughout emails when angry, but realistically, it’ll backfire and make you look like the idiot.

 

5. “I Hope This Email Finds You Well”

This roughly translates to “I don’t give a shit about your personal life, Jared, but I have to pretend that I do for the sake of this email.” If you start an email off with “I hope this email finds you well,” you are most definitely about to ask for something. In my opinion, we should get rid of this one altogether and just start every email off by banging out our requests in all caps.

6. “Let’s Circle Back On This”

Read: Dwight, you ignorant slut. This phrase comes in clutch when you need to passive-aggressively tell someone to STFU and never bother you with their peasant shit ever again. It’s basically the clearest way to say “I hate your idea.”

7. “Feel Free To Ping Me”

Use this when you’re working from home as a signal to your coworkers that you are hungover as shit and need not be bothered. Feel free to swap the word “ping” out for something less obnoxious.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (3)

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