2020 Gets Eclipsed: Weekly Horoscopes December 14-18

We’re nearing the season finale of 2020, and what a season it’s been. With a new moon eclipse in Sagittarius, soon all will be revealed, and you never know what shocking twists the end of 2020 may bring. Aliens? Talking dogs? Or… most shocking of all… a couple weeks where just like, nothing happens and we all chill for a bit. Nah, that’s too crazy.


The new moon eclipse is raising your expectations for 2021, which probably thought it could just coast on being “not 2020” for at least a few months. Fat chance. This week, you’ll be feeling the urge to expand your horizons and open yourself up to new ideas, laying the foundation for an incredible, COVID-free new year. Once the vaccine is distributed, of course.


On the fence about something? Not any more! The new moon in Sagittarius brings new clarity to an area of your life where you’ve felt stuck, or that thing you’ve been procrastinating since COVID was before COVID arrived at America’s shores. This celestial push is the perfect way to wrap up 2020’s bullsh*t and get a jump start on 2021. Pretty sure this year has lasted long enough already.


Second lockdown? Fauci doesn’t need to tell you twice. Thanks to the activities of both the sun and moon, you’re not in the mood for gatherings of two people, let alone ten. This week you’re wayyy more interested in slapping on some footy pajamas and setting up a solo holiday movie marathon than you are attending a holiday party. Not that there even are any this year. FOMO crisis averted!


Healthy? For the holidays? It’s your funeral. This week, the new moon in Sagittarius is eclipsing your desire to eat every single holiday treat in sight (see what I did there) and may be prompting you to add a few more fitness related items to your wishlist. Just promise me you won’t do something crazy like start Whole 30 before the New Year. Save that sh*t for January when everyone else will be giving up drinking with you.


It’s time to take the spotlight, Leo, and I know I don’t need to tell you twice. With the new moon in your fifth house, and you being the fifth sign, get ready for the cosmic spotlight to shine squarely on you. Don’t be surprised if you receive an unexpected holiday treat from an admirer, or if an old flame (or five) pops out of the woodwork with a “happy Hanukkah!” or “thinking of you!” text. We all know what that means.


Pump the brakes, Virgo. Chances are you’ve gotten deep, deep into the holiday spirit this month, whether you’ve been celebrating Hanukkah, gearing up for Christmas, or just getting swept up in the non-denominational winter glow. This week, it’s time to take a step back. You don’t have the time or energy to give thoughtful gifts to everyone. You’re not Santa, no matter how good you look in red.


Got some cards to write? Now is the time! Your powers of communication are super-charged this week, making it the perfect time to finish up your holiday cards or any end-of-year thank yous that still need to be sent out. It’s also a great time to draft up your obligatory “wow I can’t believe 2020 is over” IG post. Not that anyone is actually going to read those.


How are you finances going into 2021? Okay, don’t answer that. But with the eclipse in Sagittarius lighting up your house of financial security, now is a good time to assess how your budget worked out in 2020 (lol) and how to do better in 2021. Even just like, actually having a budget would be a great start.


No way around it: this is a huge week for your sign. For the first time in seven years, we’re getting a solar eclipse in *your sign*, meaning surprises, excitement, and major developments await. Keep your mind open to opportunities from unexpected places, and for the love of God, check your personal email. You don’t want to miss an opportunity to invest in the next Apple or some sh*t just because you have inbox fatigue.


Letting things go is not normally your strong suit, but this week’s solar eclipse will give you the strength to release what doesn’t serve you and go into the new year feeling about a million pounds lighter. A great place to start? Blocking the number of every ex who has the audacity to text “Merry Christmas” this year. Nobody needs that sh*t.


The return of Zoom happy hours? Looks like it! The solar eclipse is lighting up your house of technology, meaning you finally have the energy to figure out how those Zoom game nights work, or, if you’re feeling really crazy, Zoom karaoke. Just like, don’t post about it. Or if you must, do it on close friends. Wouldn’t want people getting jealous…


Most people have already checked out for the year by now, but you’re going to need to hold on a little bit longer! Some good professional news could be on the horizon, but only if you’re actually there to receive it. I guess what i’m saying is, don’t put that OOO message up just yet. Especially since you’re literally just sitting on your couch right now.

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.