If you’re like me, then your morning routine usually consists of you staring into a mirror and watching your face and hair battle it out for your attention. Usually my face is saying something like “omg you’re like really pretty” but my hair is saying “it’s been 3 days of working 9-5 and drinking from 5 to blackout and for the love of God would you please fucking wash me.” But because I will do anything for a few extra minutes of sleep, and not because I am a lazy piece of shit, I usually just say fuck it go to town with my favorite dry shampoo and hope I can get another day out of my last actual wash. If this is your narrative too then listen up because I’m about to break down the best dry shampoo products for your betchy lifestyle.
Because every betch deserves to get away with 3-day hair, here’s a list of the best dry shampoos for every betch:
If You’re A High Maintenance Betch
Then you should invest in Klorane Gentle Dry Shampoo.
Odds are if you’re buying this product then you drop more money on your hair than I do on my Friday bar tab. The product itself isn’t too pricey—if you consider spending $20 on a bottle the length of my hand pricey—but it has been known to extend the life of a blowout by a few days and that in itself is worth the extra money. Plus if you’re a dark haired betch this product won’t leave any of that weird powdery residue behind. So blessed. So moved. So grateful. Can’t believe this is my life.
If You’re A Bandwagon Betch
You know that girl in your friend group who’s only in for the Instagram? The one who probs owns a flower crown or plans a trip to the Hamptons to take “candids” on a blow-up slice of pizza or just generally does shit to test your sanity patience? If you’re this girl then you will lose your shit over R+Co Badland’s Dry Shampoo Paste. Not only is it trendy AF but it looks like it was made for your Instagram story.
Seriously, doesn’t this bottle look like something Coachella would take out ad space for?? I’m not going to say that Susi, my German hair stylist, didn’t get me drunk and then pitch this hair product to me but I’m also not going to say that didn’t happen. For someone like me who has naturally fine, straight hair that holds volume about as well as the Olsen Twins, this product will work literal miracles for you. Because it’s a paste and not an aerosol spray, it doesn’t weigh down your hair as much. Plus it can double as a styling product so it’s like two products for the price of half my paycheck. *sobs into my empty bank account*
If You’re A Betch On A Budget
You’re the girl who Venmos your friend $3 for their share of the Uber they blacked out in last weekend and actually feels justified putting that little of an amount into a request. You know who you are and you know I hate you for this. You may have coupon-clipped yourself to the top of my shit list, but that doesn’t mean I’ll prevent you from knowing the beauty products of your dollar store dreams. That would just be, like, against the rules of feminism. If you’re on a budget, you can forgo all the fancy shit and instead try Herbal Essences Naked Dry Shampoo.
It barely breaks the bank at $5 a bottle, and it gets the job done while also smelling amazing. Cheap, clean, and kind of satisfying aka the exact words I used to describe my last boyfriend. And they say you can’t find true love on Tinder at a drugstore.
If You’re A Hippie Betch
You’re the girl I can’t go to brunch with because you’re constantly talking about how you’re off gluten or food-shaming me for eating bacon. Luckily, that is why alcohol was invented so I can tune out all of your good intentions bullshit. That being said, Tart’s Vegan Dry Shampoo is going to be your go-to product.
Not only is it eco-friendly—you’re welcome—but the hair formula features natural thickeners and conditioners that contain ingredients like cellulose and rice bran wax to add volume, lift, and hold at the root. But you better move faster than the rate at which I’m chugging this mimosa rn, because it’s only available for a limited time in Tarte’s athleisure collection.
If You’re A DGAF Betch
You probs have better things to with your time than fuck with hair products, like hitting up after-work happy hours or perfecting your Bumble messages. So for the girl who doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing with her hair, Ouai Foaming Dry Shampoo is def the product for you.
Normally, I’m skeptical of anything with the word “foam” in it—I’m not a freshman, I won’t fall for that one again—but this product is low-key amazing. The diatomaceous earth and panthenol loaded formula (try saying that at a party to sound smart) works to neutralize product buildup without you having to shower. But the best part is it’s great for legit any hair type so even if you haven’t looked in a mirror don’t know wtf your hair type is this product will do all the work for you. And isn’t that the sign of a true betch product?
If You’re A Broke Betch
You’re the girl who is thrilled when she sees $20 in her bank account and then promptly spends it on cheap margaritas and chips and guac. Which, tbh, I can’t fault you for. I admire the commitment. But since you’re spending your literal last dime on alcohol and chips you obvi are in need of Jesus a cheaper hair solution. I can’t believe I’m suggesting this but baking soda usually costs less than $2 and is actually a decent ratchet replacement for dry shampoo. Shampoo strips your hair of all its natural oils and fucks with your pH levels, which is why it gets oily and tries to sabotage your life. Baking soda can replace those PH levels.
Sprinkle a little at your roots and you should see some volume ASAP. But, like, be careful because using baking soda as a hair product is opening yourself up to the full scale of my judgmental gaze.
