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Your Weekend Horoscopes August 25-27: The Haiku Edition

By Betch Ivy Carter | August 25, 2017

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Your patience for life, politics, and Taylor Swift is likely running short this week, so your weekend horoscopes are here to make things easy on you. Here’s some chic haikus to guide you through the next couple of days. What can we say? The eclipse energy is still around and we feel like trying new things. 


People are the worst.
Do avoid them at all costs.
Netflix will save you.


Poverty is real.
You will know it soon enough.
Stop using Postmates.


It’s been a dry month.
Your bed is the Sahara.
Go get that dick, girl.


Friends may come and go.
Chic-ass clothes are evergreen.
Splurge your cold heart out.


Sticks and stones may break
Your bones but vodka mends all.
Pour it up. Fall out.


Happy Birthday, betch.
May your month be glorious
As the rest of you.


Reunion’s in sight.
Nostalgia is a liar.
He is not that hot.


Your rage knows no bounds.
Make sure everyone knows it.
One word: Dracarys.


The eclipse is done.
Please throw away your glasses.
You tragic pack rat.


Sometimes you are kind.
Sometimes you’re a heinous bitch.
You can’t win them all.


Honesty is key
To all failed relationships.
Bury that baggage.


You are almost there.
Your struggle will be worth it.
Just keep on swimming.

Read: How To Find Your Zodiac Moon Sign