During a deep dive into the new Bachelor contestants, most of whom have deactivated their social media accounts/online presence in general, one white-toothed, fake-lashed, soon-to-be fit tea dealer stood high above the rest, and proved my theory that the first generation of people who spent their lives aspiring to be on The Bachelor have arrived. Enter: Mykenna Dorn, from Langely, British Columbia. At a mere 22 years old, Mykenna has, in theory, been watching The Bachelor franchise since she only five years old, and very clearly has been hoping for a long time to be a member of Bachelor Nation.
A simple Google search of her first name and hometown brought me to a lackluster LinkedIn profile with no photos, no biography, and a website link. Little did I know the treasure I was about to discover in Mykenna’s blog, Mykennajean.com. I’m assuming Jean is her middle name, mostly because influencers love using their middle name as their last. The website itself is actually pretty aesthetically pleasing; it’s the type of content that smacks of someone who has dedicated their life to competing against 29 other women for the heart of another hopeless romantic seeking followers and potential hosting gigs.
The light pink and heavily filtered website shows a young girl with dreams of drinking wine and making money from Insta stories, with a welcome banner at the top of the page that reads, “welcome to my embarrassing life” with a wine glass emoji over her personalized, very creative hashtag, #winewithmykenna.
According to her “about me” section she’s a “22 year old girl known for her instagram captions and unapologetic stories.” (Don’t worry, she doesn’t mean life stories, she means Instagram stories.) She continues to let us know what we’re getting involved with here: “today my blog and Instagram are dedicated to fashion, beauty, dancing, single life struggles, my Grey’s Anatomy obsession and all things wine.” Buckle up, because the Mykenna train is about to leave the station, and I’m so excited for the ride.
While her Instagram, with just over 40,000 followers, is now set to private, you can still peruse some of her outfits in her “shop my Instagram” section, by clicking on your favorite Instagram pic. You’ll be directed to a link to purchase the cute and incredibly basic clothing items, her favorite makeup products du jour, and her favorite overpriced haircare products. While there’s a video section with a connected YouTube, there are currently no videos uploaded—a smart idea for someone who knows her entire life is about to get pried open like the robbers from Home Alone trying to kill Kevin McCallister.
It’s the blog section, though, that’s the real treat. With articles about her current skin care routine, her Canada Day outfits, and how to live a happy single life, there is a lot to unpack. It was the 10 facts about me article from October 2018, though, that really caught my eye. Every article starts with “Hey Babes!!” which is personally offensive to me, but I carried on. “Hey Babes! Today I wanted to share 10 facts about myself. I love reading blog posts like these from my favourite bloggers and learning more about them. So I thought I would do the same. OK let’s jump to it.”
Some of the standouts include that she’s watched every episode of Grey’s Anatomy five times, she sings when she’s anxious, she’s quiet until you get to know her, she once got sh*t on by a bird while wearing a sweater with birds on it, and then number 7: “I WILL BE ON THE BACHELOR SOON, MARK MY WORDS.” In another article entitled “15 Spontaneous Things to Do Right Now Because You are Young and Dumb,” she lists auditioning for a reality show.
Honestly, I couldn’t be happier for this girl. She knows what she wants and she’s not afraid to admit it, and clearly, it’s working for her. (At least until the producers find this and kick her off the show.) While it’s unbelievable that we are living in a world where little kids dream about making out in pools of spilled Prosecco, attention-grabbing tears, and the fluids of literally hundreds of single hopefuls, to each their own!!
Her other blog entries include 22 things she’s learned in 22 years, with her lessons including not crying over boys, being kind, perfection being boring, saying yes to every date—even if he’s not your type—and not drunk texting. In another entry from the beginning of this year, Miss Mykenna shares with us her 2019 goals and resolutions. While most are typical flower-laden influencer resolutions like traveling more, moving to a bigger city, and painting her nails once a week, she also includes ending her single streak, and growing her Instagram following, which definitely seems like it’s in the cards for her now! Ask and ye shall receive!
In all fairness to Mykenna, she’s not hiding her influencer ambitions, with an article about how to organically grow your Instagram followers and another on her favorite phone editing apps, which is refreshing in a world of people pretending their only ambition is finding love in a hopeless, wealthy place. The days of people coming on The Bachelor without their intentions being questioned are long gone, and a future of Mykenna-esque career influencers is the new norm.
Images: Mykennajean.com
