A Betchy Recap of the "Vanderpump Villa" Premiere Episode

In partnership with Hulu.

Deep breaths, everybody. Lisa Vandepump is back and she’s bringing her delightful combination of elegance and chaos to the French countryside. Take a shot (or three) and let’s dive in. 

Hulu’s Vanderpump Villa, the latest chapter in the Vanderpump cinematic universe, takes place in the South of France at Château Rosabelle, a luxurious new hotel. In the opening moments of the episode, Lisa assures viewers her villa will be brimming with “old world elegance” which is, of course, an deliciously inaccurate statement. The first teaser shots of the premiere features one staffer spanking another, an employee spraying champagne everywhere, and women dressed in uniforms that can only be described as bridesmaids dresses. 

Still, Lisa is keeping hope alive as she kicks off the episode by calling her employees in for their orientation. She informs everyone that the first guests will be a couple enjoying a romantic getaway. What the girlfriend doesn’t know is that her boyfriend is secretly going to propose. 

That’s all fine and good, but the employees have other things on their mind. Like Andre, the mixologist, who is delighted by all the pretty women in the room. He admits that he’s extremely single and there’s a prominent dent in his couch because he sits there by himself all the time. (While this is a relatable sentiment, I hope Andre did not choose to share it with anyone else.) 

We also learn that Marciano and Hannah, both servers, used to date until he cheated on her. Marciano tries to explain this away by noting that he is a “bad dog at times,” which is an ick thing to say. STAY AWAY, HANNAH!!! 

The gang proceeds to play a saucy game which involves questions like who they’d fuck, marry or kill in the room. Marciano takes it upon himself to share that Hannah gave him a great handjob during their first date. While Hannah is mortified by this reveal, we get a cutaway of her smooching her ex later that night. Meanwhile Priscila and Eric spend the evening flirting in the pool. Much to her chagrin, they do not kiss. Perhaps he was distracted by a bug! 

The next morning, Eric bikes around the property, waking up the staff for their first day of work. The women don their bridesmaids dresses and Lisa reinforces that the staff must not drink while on duty. Telly, one of the bartenders, Hannah, and Marciano just hear the word “drink” and start slamming alcohol. This is ill-advised, and Marciano later drops a whole platter of champagne flutes, which he promptly blames on the wind.

As the guests play a cute lil game of “rosé and crochet,” tensions bubble behind the scenes. Marciano suggests to Telly that they take more shots and Lisa being Lisa sniffs out the debauchery immediately. When she confronts them about the drinking, Marciano quickly dips, leaving a flustered Telly behind. “You’re hiding something from me!” Lisa declares. “You look really pretty,” Telly responds. The scene ends. 

And so begins the drama between Marciano, Telly, and, inexplicably, Hannah. Telly is already annoyed with Marciano for bailing on her during the Lisa confrontation. Marciano gets annoyed right back when Telly isn’t behind the bar during dinner. Hannah’s equally pissed for some unclear reason. They all start yelling and Telly pushes Marciano. 

Stephen, the events coordinator, is concerned that guests will be horrified by all this unprofessional behavior. Instead, the visitors are rather gleefully eavesdropping from outside. We are left with a furious wait staff, some very entertained customers, and a whole season of delicious drama ahead of us. Au revoir for now. Hannah, please stay away from Marciano. 

You can watch the first three episodes now, and watch new episodes of Vanderpump Villa on Mondays — only on Hulu.

Thea Koral
Thea Koral
Thea Koral is a New York-based writer and editor. She is still recovering from the ending of "One Day" and can recite most, if not all, of "Friends" in her sleep.