Trump Says He'll Fund Planned Parenthood Again Under One Sh*tty Condition


Donald Trump, America’s #1 respecter of ladies, wants you to know he’s willing to make compromises, okay? Even when it comes to areas his BFFL Mike Pence feels very strongly about, e.g., defunding women’s healthcare organizations. On Monday, the White House offered to chill out on the Republican crusade against Planned Parenthood under one condition: PP has to stop providing abortions. Please join me in an eye roll so intense you strain a muscle.

Planned Parenthood receives about $500 million in government funding each year, precisely zero of which is allowed to go toward abortions thanks to the Hyde Amendment. One more time for the people in back: YOUR TAX DOLLARS ARE NOT FUNDING ABORTIONS. Instead, the funding goes toward any of the other bajillion women’s health services PP provides. Those include, but are not limited to: STD screenings, breast cancer screenings, pap smars, AND YES—even testicular and prostate cancer screenings FOR MEN. You’d think that the man currently in charge of national policy would understand this, but apparently that’s too much to expect from the leader of the free world and his army of skanks.

Because not everyone is shitty, the pushback against defunding Planned Parenthood has been so pronounced that some conservatives are apparently worried about political repercussions if they follow through—that’s where the proposal to preserve federal funding comes in. It wasn’t official yet, but that didn’t stop the certified badasses at Planned Parenthood from shutting that shit down ASAP.

Offering money to Planned Parenthood to abandon our patients and our values is not a deal that we will ever accept,” one executive told the New York Times.

Then the organization’s president, Cecile Richards, tweeted that PP isn’t ashamed of providing abortions. (Subtext: Republicans can step the fuck off.)

When are old white guys going to learn that they have no business making decisions for millions of women? Until they figure it out, keep donating to Planned Parenthood if you can. Ladies supporting ladies is what makes the world go ‘round.