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Team Patrick Is The Only Acceptable 'Challengers' Team

Challengers has us all embracing the competitive spirit — on Twitter, not on tennis courts, of course. (Please, I’m just a NARP girl.) Ever since the very serious sports film premiered last Friday, chronically online soldiers have developed concerning parasocial relationships with the points of the love triangle and fought night and day for Team Art, Team Patrick, or Team Throuple. This is the most profound and sexy philosophical debate of the century, so I need to contribute my invaluable two cents.

Tashi doesn’t need a romance with either of these fucking hooligans if we’re being so forreal. However, if I had to choose an annoying tennis boy for her, there’s a clear right answer and his name rhymes with Katrick. If you disagree… I hate to say it, but you’re wrong and uncultured. I’m making it my mission to spread the Team Patrick gospel with the Challengers stan community. Buckle up for this intellectual analysis journey.

Patrick Actually Likes Tennis

Tashi is a trillion times more passionate about tennis than she is about men. So if she’s gonna spend time on a man, he at least needs to share her values (just tennis, basically). Art is dying to quit the sport and commit to his stay at home dad and malewife roles, which gives Tashi a full-on existential crisis: How can she be with a man who’s over tennis when tennis the whole point of life?? Meanwhile, tennis is still Patrick’s whole life too, and he’s begging her to coach him. Tashi simply has more in common with our homewrecking king!

He’s Not Fucking Boring

“Give the nice guy a chance.” No. Sorry. Not interested. Settling for a guy who’s just nice is settling nonetheless. What the fuck does Art bring to the table besides being ~on the surface~ more polite and moral than his bestie/other crush? Patrick is extremely sexual, unafraid of breaking a rule or two in the name of pleasure, and has natural charm and strong flirtation skills. Sure, he’s problematic, but so is our dear Coach Tashi.

Art Is A Little Snake Who Arguably Caused Tashi’s Injury

Zendaya said it herself in an interview: Art caused Tashi’s injury! When they were all at Stanford and Tashi and Patrick were dating, Art got in both of their heads by claiming that Patrick wasn’t in love with her. The man was strategizing. He got them riled up, which led to The Argument that ended Tashi’s career. And who was conveniently there for her to pick up the pieces after her injury? Mhmmm. That’s called masterful manipulation, my friends. Patrick was the OG lover of Tashi and they might have stayed together for a long time if it hadn’t been for Art’s interference. Blondie is the real villain. Patrick is the hero. I rest my case.

Ilana Frost
Ilana Frost
Ilana Frost is an entertainment writer at Betches. As a teenage girl in her twenties, she spends her time stanning Olivia Rodrigo, baking cakes for award shows, and refusing to ever leave her Reputation era.