In today’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kountry, our girl Kim Kardashian is fighting for criminal justice reform again. Fresh off of helping to free Alice Marie Johnson, a grandmother who spent more than 20 years in prison for a first time, non-violent drug offense, Kardashian is continuing to work with Jarvanka and President Donald Trump to change our f*cked up prison system. Basically, Trump only listens to reality stars now. Can we please send Hulk Hogan to yell at him about Puerto Rico?

On Friday, Mic released an exclusive interview with Kardashian about her work as a clemency advocate. It seems that, since she’s gotten a taste of fighting the good fight, no controversial appetite suppressing lollipops can stop her hunger for more. Kardashian told Mic that she’s currently working to free Chris Young, who was sentenced to life without parole for a nonviolent drug offense because of federal mandatory minimum requirements. Young’s sentence was so unfair that Kevin Sharp, the judge who was bound by law to give it, later stepped down from the bench in part because of Young’s case.

Young joined in on the interview over the phone, saying, about prisoners, “The main thing I would like people to know is that we’re human. We’re not inanimate objects. We’re conscious, we’re sentient beings that should get treated like it.” Cool, it’s so great that a man like that is supposed to spend his whole life behind bars while, say, Donald Trump Jr. (AKA “The Collusion Kid”) gets to gallivant around, sitting on tree stumps and being a total ass on Twitter.

tree son pic.twitter.com/Ul0um6zUBN

— Ariel Edwards-Levy (@aedwardslevy) September 5, 2018

Speaking of the Trump family, some people are upset that Kardashian would work on such a worthy cause with such unworthy allies. Is Trump just using Kardashian to make himself look better because he’s screwing up like every other thing he does? To that, Kardashian said in the Mic interview, “I truly think it is a genuine commitment . But let’s say it’s not. It’s still helping a lot of people and getting people out.” Meanwhile, CNN host and criminal justice reform advocate Van Jones, who joined in the interview, added, “Who loses if we decide that because Trump is so objectionable on 99 other issues, we won’t help the prisoners? The prisoners lose.”

Anyways, watch the whole interview before you flip back to your regular dose of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. You’ll remember you did when Kim inevitably becomes president in 2024.

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On Tuesday, police reportedly found 20-year-old Mollie Tibbetts’ body after a month-long search. The story of her murder is heartbreaking and awful. And naturally, because it appears that the man who killed Mollie Tibbetts is an illegal immigrant, the White House is exploiting the sh*t out of it.

Authorities finally got a break in the case when a man named Chrishian Bahena Rivera led police to a body believed to be that of the University of Iowa student, who disappeared while out on a evening jog. Rivera has since been charged with her murder. Authorities stated that he was living in this country illegally (though he was reportedly employed under a false name at a dairy farm owned by a prominent Iowa Republican family).

So when the Trump administration heard the news that Tibbett’s body had been found, did they express their heartfelt condolences? Did they allow the Tibbett’s family to mourn in peace? Of course they f*cking didn’t. They practically threw a parade. And the theme of this parade wasn’t “Thanksgiving With Big Balloons” or “Let Us Praise Our Glorious Orange Leader.” It was “All Illegal Immigrants Are Coming To Murder You.”

Trump immediately brought up Tibbetts at his West Virginia rally and used her death to plug voting Republican, saying, “Should’ve never happened. Illegally in our country… the immigration laws are such a disgrace. We’re getting it changed, but we have to get more Republicans.” (Then he started rambling about gestating a turkey because IDK.) And the White House’s official Twitter account wasted no time in tweeting out a super-emotional, super-manipulative video featuring the families of people who were killed by illegal immigrants.

For 34 days, investigators searched for 20-year-old Mollie Tibbetts. Yesterday, an illegal alien, now charged with first-degree murder, led police to the cornfield where her body was found.

The Tibbetts family has been permanently separated. They are not alone. pic.twitter.com/BBskwHEJoU

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) August 22, 2018

Make sure to clock the “permanently separated” language that seems to imply that the government separating children from their families at the border is no biggie. Cool cool cool cool cool (*keeps saying cool until I pass out*).

Okay, so let’s get some things straight. Yes, it seems that Rivera murdered Tibbetts. But if true, that simply means he’s a bad man who did horrible things to a woman, the same way that many U.S. citizens do horrible things to women every freaking day. (Honestly it’s just like sooooo fun to be a woman, am I right ladies???) His immigration status doesn’t have anything to do with it. In fact, statistical studies show that illegal immigrants are less likely to commit crimes than native-born citizens. But does the Trump administration care about facts? Nope! BUILD THAT WALL!

And what makes this whole sad, bad thing even sadder and badder is that, by every indication, Tibbetts wouldn’t have wanted her death to be used in this way. According to her old tweets, she hated what Trump was doing, and was a wonderful, bad-ass ally.

FACT: Mollie Tibbetts would have *hated* that people are using her death to push for Trump’s stupid wall. She was an ally, a feminist, and a really good human being.

Don’t let anyone turn her memory into anything different. pic.twitter.com/ThoHr1O5J1

— Annie (@Ann_ieH) August 21, 2018

Let’s honor Tibbetts in the way she would’ve wanted, instead of using her death to push a hateful agenda.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Who would have thought that one day Omarosa Manigault-Newman would use the skills she honed being a b*tch to Janice Dickinson on The Surreal Life to take down the President of the United States. (And while we’re at it, who would have thought that President of the United States would be her former boss, Donald Trump?) In case you’ve been living under a rock that doesn’t have Twitter, Omarosa is currently out here stanning hard for her new book Unhinged (wonder who that’s referring to) about her time in the White House, and she’s backing it up with the surreptitiously recorded receipts. That’s right, Omarosa recorded Trump in the White House, and the result is a series of newly released tapes that honestly make everyone look bad.

In the first set of tapes, our girl Omarosa set the scene by releasing a recording of herself being fired by Chief of Staff John Kelly in which he says she committed “serious ethics violations” and basically refuses to sit with her for more than 5 minutes or answer any of her questions. How this doesn’t count as a devastating self-own, I’m not sure, but either way the tape is juicy af.

EXCLUSIVE: @OMAROSA releases secret audio recording of meeting when Chief of Staff John Kelly fired her. #MTP

Omarosa: “Is the president aware of what’s going on?” pic.twitter.com/ZTeS7fzz5b

— Meet the Press (@MeetThePress) August 12, 2018

And if you thought secretly recorded audio of the White House Chief of Staff in the goddamn Situation Room was the shadiest part of this story, then you forgot we’re dealing with one of reality TV’s most preeminent villains.

(Side note: Props to Omarosa for her commitment to never giving up her phone, even when it is literally national security protocol to do so. You truly put the “dick” in “phone addiction.”)

Now Omarosa has come out with a second tape, and this one is of none other than her former boss, Donald Trump. The student has become the master.

The new set of tapes show President Trump being totally two-faced shocked to hear that Omarosa was leaving the White House and acting like John Kelly hadn’t told him anything about it. Omarosa says that after the recorded phone call, Trump told her that he “delegated” her termination, and that she’s pretty sure he was bullshitting when he acted so surprised.

LISTEN: President Trump tells Omarosa after her firing that Chief of Staff John Kelly “runs a big operation.”

“Nobody even told me about it,” Trump said. “You know, they run a big operation, but I didn’t know that. Goddamn it!” pic.twitter.com/W2dTYFxiru

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) August 13, 2018

Hmm…try not to slip in all the tea that’s been spilled here. In response to all the drama, our distinguished president had this to say:

Wacky Omarosa, who got fired 3 times on the Apprentice, now got fired for the last time. She never made it, never will. She begged me for a job, tears in her eyes, I said Ok. People in the White House hated her. She was vicious, but not smart. I would rarely see her but heard….

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 13, 2018

While I know it’s “not presidential” to take on a lowlife like Omarosa, and while I would rather not be doing so, this is a modern day form of communication and I know the Fake News Media will be working overtime to make even Wacky Omarosa look legitimate as possible. Sorry!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 13, 2018

While I know it’s “not presidential” to take on a lowlife like Omarosa, and while I would rather not be doing so, this is a modern day form of communication and I know the Fake News Media will be working overtime to make even Wacky Omarosa look legitimate as possible. Sorry!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 13, 2018

Now feels like a good time to mention that Omarosa also claims the White House is hiding the president’s “mental decline” and that he is “unable to process complex information.” I guess it’s safe to say that this season of the White House is going to be the most dramatic season ever.

Shit. I got my reality shows confused…

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

American Jobs

Note: This article has been updated to take into account an executive order signed by President Trump to end the practice of family separation. You can read more on what that EO means for migrant families here. (TLDR; they now get to be in jails together, but like, the children are still in jail.) 

Unless you’ve been living in a good news bubble, you’ve probably heard of the horror that is happening with migrant children being separated from their parents at the Mexican border. Due to President Trump’s “zero tolerance policy” regarding anyone caught by Border Control for trying to enter the United States illegally, nearly 2,000 children have been separated from their parents. The Zero Tolerance Policy applies to absolutely everyone, even people seeking asylum and those traveling with children. Children are considered “unaccompanied minors” under this policy and while their parents are prosecuted, they are put under the care of the government. If this is starting to sound like a dystopian novel, remember it’s real life. Here’s how to help migrant children who have been separated from their parents by the U.S. government (can’t believe I just typed that…)

Donate Your Money

With ActBlue, you can donate money to multiple services at once to ensure that your dollars will go somewhere useful. The company donates to twelve different groups that fund liberal causes and has raise more than 1.6 million dollars this year. If you donate to ActBlue, your money will benefit: Al Otro Lado, The Florence Project, Neta, Innovation Law Lab, Fuerza Del Valle, The Young Center for Immigrant Children’s Rights, We Belong Together, United We Dream, The Women’s Refugee Commission, The ACLU, Kids in Need of Defense (KIND), the Asylum Seeker Advocacy Project, Human Rights First, and La Union de Pueblo Entero.

Donate Your Time

If you want to help in a different way, you can interview migrants at the border by volunteering with The Texas Civil Rights Project or The Legal Aid Justice Center. If you have legal or paralegal experience, speak Spanish, Mam, Q’eqchi’, K’iche, or live in a border area this is a great way to join the effort.

Join the Legal Fight

If you choose to donate to The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services, or RAICES you can aid every step of legal support for immigrant families. Aiming to provide legal service to 13,000 unaccompanied children and help pay immigration bonds for asylum seekers, RAICES has raised more than four million dollars.

UPDATE: Now that Trump has signed his executive order, we need to focus on providing legal aid to the families in jail together, and helping the families who were separated be reunited. You can keep donating to RAICES, or take a look at UnLocal, a New York City-based immigration legal services provider that represents asylum-seeking families, unaccompanied minors, LGBTQ+ immigrant youth and other individuals in affirmative and defensive immigration proceedings. UnLocal is currently developing initiatives to address the ongoing humanitarian crisis at the border, and your donation will enable attorneys and volunteers to provide on-the0ground assistance to asylum seekers in, including pro-bono legal assistance, and helping parents locate and reconnect with their children.

Send Them Love

While most charities encourage financial donations over items, Baby2Baby and Kids in Need of Defense (KIND) set up a Target registry calling for toiletries and other necessities.

Other trustworthy groups that help people at the border are Pueblo Sin Fronteras, which has two shelters along the border of the Sonoran desert and Border Angels. Border Angels offers legal guidance, water, and other emergency services.

Call Your Senators!

The majority of the United States agrees that separating children from their parents is immoral and there are presently several bills in the works to stop this. In the meantime, the ACLU is advising people to call their senators and voice their concerns about Trump’s policies. The ACLU can connect you directly through their website and put you in touch with a congressional staffer. Here’s what to say:

“Hi, my name is and my zip code is . I’m urging the Senator to denounce Trump’s family separation policy and use all of Congress’ authority to stop it.”

 

Take It To The Streets!

Protests are being organized all across the country for June 30th, when you can join the fight in your city against child separation. The main rally, Families Belong Together, will be held in Washington, but you can make a difference wherever you are by going here and entering your zip code. Despite Trump’s executive order, this march is still scheduled. Here’s what MoveOn has to say about it: 

The executive order that Donald Trump signed today is not a solution to the crisis created by his administration; it keeps kids imprisoned indefinitely, and doesn’t reunite thousands of separated families. But it does show the administration is reacting to public pressure, so we will continue to increase our pressure for justice at hundreds of events on Saturday, June 30, to say that families belong together—and free.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Last night it was rumored that yet another White House staffer was asked to return to their loft, pack their bags, put out their tiki torch, and go home. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka The Secretary of Scowl, was supposedly preparing to jet set from the South Lawn according to CBS news. In true Trumpian form, Sanders accused the media of lying and said she had told them of no such plans, which is Sanders-speak for “oh yeah that’s totally true.” 

Does @CBSNews know something I don’t about my plans and my future? I was at my daughter’s year-end Kindergarten event and they ran a story about my “plans to leave the WH” without even talking to me. I love my job and am honored to work for @POTUS

— Sarah Sanders (@PressSec) June 14, 2018

News outlets have keenly pointed out that she never said that what they reported was incorrect, just that she hadn’t spoken with them about any departure plans. Assuming that Sanders will follow in the footsteps of approximately 99.9% of her coworkers, and leave without a proper two weeks notice, what could she possibly get into next?

Sell LulaRoe

Something about Sarah Huckabee just screams “I want to spend my free time on Facebook scamming and spamming my close friends.” I think her skills line up perfectly with “social media pyramid scheme.”

Get Into Crossfit

Ya know, I know a ton of people who when going through a big lifer change, be it career, personal, or spiritual, have found these intense workouts very therapeutic. I can imagine there’s a lot of stress she needs to unload from her days as Press Secretary and could probably let some of it out throwing a giant leaded ball at a wall or whatever they do in those fitness garages.

Become The Mean Vice Principal of a Middle School

I’m not sure Sanders has the charisma to be a principal of a middle school, but she’s definitely the side muscle – aka the enforcer of rules. Every kid in that school would adhere to the policy to avoid having to visit her in her office. When not yelling at small children, she would wander the halls with a spiked ruler in hand just to raise the fear surrounding her.

Ask to Talk To Someone’s Manager

This isn’t a job or hobby per se, but Sanders has that je n’ais se quoi about her that lets you know she’d demanded to talk to whoever is in charge. I am willing to bet money that she has approached random people of color in a Target and started asking them questions as if they worked there, despite them not wearing a uniform. I’m also not convinced that this woman is not, in fact, Sarah Sanders:

Manage Her Dad’s Standup Career

As we know all too well, Mike Huckabee, Sanders’ father and former governor of Arkansas, fancies himself a funny boy on Twitter.com. The two can spend some quality time together on the road where Huckabee opens up for Jeff Foxworthy knockoffs.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

In the midst of her husband’s tweetstorms Kim Kardashian-West is acting increasingly  more and more impressive, and that makes me wonder if there’s a finite amount of composure between the two of them and she is currently using it all up. Whatever the case, Kim K isn’t letting anything distract her from literally like saving someone’s life. In an interview with Mic, she sat down and explained her current project. No it isn’t a handbag or lip gloss. Kim is working her ass off to free Ms. Alice Marie Johnson, a 62 year old grandmother sentenced to life in prison for first time drug use.

After seeing @Mic’s video about #AliceMarieJohnson, a great-grandmother serving a life sentence without parole for a nonviolent drug offense, @KimKardashian explains in an exclusive sit-down what drove her to act and why she’s talking to the White House. https://t.co/SX0CJhFENQ pic.twitter.com/dL6PHmPy5D

— Mic (@mic) May 9, 2018

She has hired Ms. Alice a new legal team and more impressive than that, she’s been in close contact with Jared Kushner and others in the White House. Is there a single thing braver than that in this day and age? I honestly don’t think so.

Mic got straight to the point and was like, “why are you working with Trump because you know like everyone hates him, right?” And Kim in the coolest way possible was like, “I’m using my celebrity for good and this isn’t about Trump, why are you so obsessed with him??”

Okay, so she actually said, ““I’m just focused on criminal justice reform and helping one person at a time. And so far, the White House has been really receptive to my calls, and I’m grateful for that. And I’m not going to stop that because people personally don’t like Trump.”

I honestly don’t know if I could be as big of a person as Kim is. I raise my canned rosé to her. Also in the interview, which you really should watch instead of doing any real work today, she gives a shout out to social media and it’s capability to bring about change. She said, “I just think that so many young people have such a big voice and it’s really inspiring to see. And just to know how powerful social media is — you can just be clicking through and see something that just like tugs at your heart and change your life. And change someone else’s life.”

I’m going to have that answer on the ready next time I get in trouble for tweeting at an inappropriate time. I’m just trying to change lives, boss. K? 

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!