Everything You Need To Know About Trump Firing Rex Tillerson

Like sand through an hourglass, another member of Trump’s cabinet has been fired. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is on his way to the unemployment office as we speak, making him the 944th person in this administration to be fired/step down/ get disappeared/etc. What makes this instance particularly damning, however, is that the firing happened immediately after Tillerson concluded that the poisoning of a UK spy and the spy’s daughter was done by the Russians.



So WTF Happened Here?

In true Trump fashion, he alerted Tillerson of his own termination via tweet. Trump and Tillerson were always frenemies and there’s long been speculation that Rexy could get ousted. Often Tillerson was taken by surprise by some of the foreign policy things Trump would say tweet, including that he was down to clown with Kim Jong Un (right after Tillerson was like, we are definitely not ready to do that.)

But all of that work drama didn’t really matter to Trump. Now many are speculating that what really sealed the deal was Rex speaking poorly about Trump’s BFF Vladimir Putin, and the fact that he definitely had that spy and his daughter killed

So Who TF Is Secretary Of State Now?

So who’s the new dude? Is he hot? Of course not. Tillerson is being replaced by CIA director Mike Pompeo who is being replaced by (AIRHORN NOISE) a woman! That’s a #feminismwin! Just kidding. The words Trump and feminism don’t belong within 500 ft of one another, which is coincidentally how far Trump must now stay away from Miss America contestants.

What’s Gina Hapsel’s Deal?

Gina Haspel will now be the first woman to ever lead the CIA, and if you can believe it, she doesn’t have an awesome resume. In 2002 she casually ran a secret prison in Thailand where horrendous acts of torture were implemented on prisoners. Trump really knows how to pick them!


Rex, if you’re looking for ways to pass all your newfound freetime, might I recommend the Netflix series,Dirty Money? You might recognize some of the people in it.

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