100 Thoughts That Go Through Your Mind When Looking At Your Spotify Wrapped

It’s important to know thyself. Meaning you can’t be surprised or mad at what your 2023 Spotify Wrapped says. It’s literally your taste in music. You can’t argue with science. Some think their taste is superior to everyone else’s, while others are embarrassed that their low-rise cargo pants and Gen-Z vernacular don’t match their Disney Adult playlists. But it’s okay. Music is personal; listen to what makes you happy.

 

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The only thing I think we can all universally agree on is that *no one but you* cares about what’s on your Spotify Wrapped. But the same way you need everyone to see the average-at-best dinner your boyfriend cooked you, you’re going to post it on your Instagram Story. A lot of thoughts will run through your mind before officially pressing “post,” so let’s dive in.

1. *opens Instagram* oh shit, Spotify Wrapped is out today
2. I really don’t care what anyone else listens to.
3. Lmao, Sarah’s top 5 *would* all be from Spamalot. Please. 
4. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. 
5. Everyone thinks they’re the biggest Taylor Swift fan, it’s not that deep? 
6. I really hope @killatrav releases his. 
7. Ok fine, let me see what mine looks like.
8. They better have fixed it so “Box Fan For Sleep” isn’t my top song again. 
9. That’s not a song. It’s embarrassing. 
10. Whatever, here we go…
11. Someone on the Spotify Graphics Team deserves a raise. This is cool .
12. 2023 WAS a feast for my ears!
13. I listened to 7 genres, is that a lot? 
14. Nothing says “layers” like a sandwich. Chic. 
15. Fun breads!
16. “Hollywood” is a genre? Is that just me? What does that mean?
17. I have the same taste of music as people in “Provo, USA.”
18. Siri, where is Provo, USA?
19. Utah? Ok, sure. 
20. Wait, what does that say about me? Is that good?
21. I don’t think it’s a main destination for singer/songwriters.
22. No one’s ever “hopped off the plane in Provo, USA with a dream and a cardigan.” 
23. Moving on.
24. I played 541 songs this year. 
25. I need, like, comparison numbers.
26. How many songs did Kim Kardashian listen to this year? Kylie? Where do I rank?
27. Yes, they are my barometer.
28. Again, shout out to the Graphics Team for these funky WordArt designs. 
29. Okay, time for my top songs of 2023.
30. I’m nervous lmao.
31. Omg, the song in the background right now is “Waving Through A Window” from Dear Evan Hansen. This isn’t going to be good. 
32. “Time is a construct.” Thank you, Spotify
33. I listened to 48,616 minutes of Spotify this year. Again, normal? Kim? What’d you do?
34. And 306 artists. I don’t think I can name 306 artists, so color me impressed!
35. My Top Artist? It’s Taylor Swift, okay!!!!!!!!! 
36. Sweet, Jesus. Taylor and I have spent 3,338 minutes “together.” 
37. “Anti-Hero” is my top song. I’m basic. 
38. But, and I can’t stress this enough, at least it isn’t “Box Fan For Sleep.”
39. My Top Artists are 100% the same as any middle school girl. 
40. Taylor Swift
41. Olivia Rodrigo
42. Ariana Grande
43. Beyoncé
44. Harry Styles 
45. It’s called taste.
46. At least Kanye isn’t here anymore. 
47. Why am I kind of surprised?
48. I’ve been listening to this music for the past decade.
49. I never claimed to be a cool music girl.
50. I listened to GUTS on repeat for three weeks straight.
51. I’m married. 
52. And I have zero hatred towards my high school boyfriend.
53. I’m a 30 year old teenager.
54. Proud? Not exactly. But also, yes. 
55. Oh, Spotify says “hold up, there’s someone on the other line”
56. Stop. 
57. It’s Taylor.
58. LMAO
59. “Oh, hi. This is a special message from me, to you basically a thank you note, honestly it looks like you listened to a lot of music this year.”
60. Taylor’s grateful to be on my Spotify Wrapped!
61. I wonder who Taylor listens to.
62. Next is podcasts. 
63. Sorry, I’m an Apple Podcast girl. 
64. Spotify goes, “the way you listened this year makes you a hero… or maybe we should say ‘anti-hero’?”
65. Do that many people have it as their top song?
66. Are there other puns out there? 
67. I have to ask other people.
68. Now, a Diana Ross song is playing.
69. A “time traveler” card appeared.
70. It says I travel back in time and listen to songs on repeat, again and again.
71. Yeah. 
72. That sounds about right.
73. As if it isn’t data. 
74. Obviously, it’s right. 
75. Well, it’s been quite a year, I guess. 
76. This is real. This is me.
77. Still thinking about Kim’s Spotify Wrapped.
78. And Taylor’s.
79. Oh, I wonder if Taylor is on Kim’s.
80. I really hope so. 
81. Spotify Wrapped could be the thing that unites them.
82. I wonder what’s on North West’s Spotify Wrapped.
83. I need to get a grip.
84. Okay, but let me check really quick.
85. No, not posted yet. 
86. It’s still early on the West Coast. 
87. Should I post mine?
88. How do I even post it?
89. Oh FAB, Betches has an article on it!
90. 😉 
91. Am I really going to do this?
92. No one cares.
93. But I’m being forced to look at everyone else’s…
94. …so like, everyone should be forced to look at mine.
95. Ooooo I can pick which color I want to post
96. That mustard yellow isn’t cute.
97. Weird choice, all mighty Spotify Graphics Team!
98. Light purple or dark purple?
99. I think light purple.
100. Posted. See you next year.