Somewhere, Ryan Murphy is hard at work assembling an ensemble cast for this year’s most chilling American Horror Story: The Scandoval biopic. The Bravo-verse affair took over national news at record pace, with coverage from not just TMZ, Just Jared, and New York Post, but literal news outlets including The New York Times, CNN, NBC News, The Wall Street Journal, and The Washington Post. Naturally, the next phase is either an FX 10-part limited series, a big-screen biopic, or (sigh) a Lifetime movie.
While we wait for the official announcement, we’ve taken the liberty to enlist our dream cast for the inevitable project. We encourage the actors below to reach out with availability.
Jared Leto as Tom Sandoval
Florence Pugh as Ariana Madix
Justine Lupe as Raquel Leviss
Timothée Chalamet as DJ James Kennedy
Aubrey Plaza as Katie Maloney
Nick Robinson as Tom Schwartz
Liz Gillies as LaLa Kent
Megan Fox as Scheana Shay
Olivia Coleman as Lisa Vanderpump
All photos courtesy of Getty.