Ladies of a certain age know the unstated pressure around Halloween to be both spooky and sexy in 40-degree weather all too well. Naturally, having a slutty little seasonal moment isn’t everyone’s calling (it comes with its downsides), which means we need additional options. Luckily, if you’re a ride-or-die Bravoholic, you have the Holy Gail of costume inspo resting at your fingertips: almost 20 years of The Real Housewives. Why be a Housewife for Halloween? Habibi, the real question is why not? Life isn’t all diamonds and rosé but it might feel like it is for a few fleeting moments when you’re drunk off Pumptinis in an LVP wig. Here is a guide to the best throwback Real Housewives Halloween costumes for the girls who get it. P.S. If you want to stay in the Bravo family, but don’t feel like summoning the spirit of Rinna, I’ve also curated a list of Bravolebrities worth imitating on All Hallow’s Eve.
Real Housewife Halloween Costumes
Nene And Gregg: Cockroach Exterminators
While this is a costume that needs no introduction, I’ll give one anyway. The fact that Gregg and Nene put Kim and Brielle’s silly little roach rumors to rest in such a comical fashion is why Nene is the GHOAT and Kim is staging TMZ run-ins about her disastrous divorce. Kisses!
Kim Zolciak: Svedka Girl
Just because throwing shade at Kim Zolciak is a personal passion project of mine, doesn’t mean I can’t give credit where credit’s due. When I saw these photos of Wig dressed as the Svedka Girl robot circulating Twitter, a true peace washed over my spirit. I bet if you dig hard enough, that body suit is still out there, somewhere.
LuAnn And Sonja: Pirates
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Hot take: I’d rewatch the RHONY season 5 girls’ trip to St. Bart’s over Scary Island any day. My personal favorite memories from the girls’ trip are Ramona screaming “Take a Xanax, calm down” and Sonja cursing Aviva out for calling them white trash. Commemorate the classic vacay by dressing up in the pirate costumes they wore to the bar. Bonus points if you can get your bestie’s boyfriend to be the infamous Johnny Depp lookalike sailor.
Monica’s Pirate Costume
One thing Miss Monica Linda Darnell Garcia is going to do is commit to the bit. At her pirate dinner, Monica served serious swashbuckling energy you can easily replicate for bar for bar. Outfit not complete without a hand-drawn mustache.
Carole’s Tattoo Body Suit
In this house, Carole wearing a Halloween-esque tattoo body suit on a random Tuesday in the Hamptons is absolutely canon. If I saw someone at a party rocking this look, I would not only be extremely jealous but I would also feel legally obligated to become their best friend.
Gizelle Bryant: “#FreeKaren” “#FreeUncleBen” “#Tax Reform”
Some people (Karen and Ray) found Gizelle’s homemade t-shirt after their tussle with the IRS to be in bad taste, but I’m not one of them. Getting a replica of the world’s shadiest Hanes tee sporting “#GodBlessTheHugers” from a custom shop would truly be worth every penny.
Crystal Minkoff: Ugly Leather Pants
There are so many startling things that come out of Sutton Stracke’s mouth, but one of the best had to be screaming about Crystal’s “ugly leather pants” nearly unprovoked. Salute Crystal’s time as an unforgettable RHOBH newbie with a brown sheer blouse and some puffy leather pants that would make Sutton’s skin crawl.
Lisa Vandperump And Giggy
A moment of silence for the Beverly Hills Housewife who had those other bitches so shook they resorted to using a dog whose government name was “Lucy Lucy Apple Juicey” to run her off the show. SMH. The real canine star of RHOBH will forever be the Giggster. Throw on Lisa Vanderpump’s trademark pussy bow pink (in the form of a blazer or a satin gown), add some ridiculously large diamonds (fake will do), and top the look off with a blowout big enough to take up the entire 90210 zipcode.
Erika Jayne: Latex Outfit In Berlin
@7bravoau Let us remind you of the outfit 🔴 #rhobh #erikajayne #latex ♬ original sound – 7Bravo Australia
EJ’s bravo run has certainly had some lows and some highs. Lows include going back and forth with Garcelle and Crystal about the burn victims Tom stole from. Highs include this Lady Gaga inspired latex look that was the best of the Berlin trip.
Mary Cosby
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There are so many iconic Mary Cosby outfits to choose from. If your closet happens to be missing that $7K Dior graffiti trench sourcing a grey mumu and one of those makeup headbands that has TikTok in a chokehold might be a little more fiscally friendly.
