“Hey, how’s wedding planning going? You must be excited that the big day is coming up so soon!”
No, I am not excited. I am fucking stressed out of my mind, thanks so much for asking.
Like many women I know, I’ve dreamt of my wedding day since I was a little girl. I wanted the flowy white dress, a gazillion flowers adorning a lavish aisle, a gorgeous venue, and me gazing lovingly at my Prince Charming.
You want to know what I’m dreaming of now? Going back in time and telling little baby me that weddings are fucking expensive and she needs to get a grip. Or just elope.
I can’t think of one other event in your life that you plan for an entire year, all while losing sleep, your mind, your dignity, and your entire life savings. Some engagement periods are shorter, of course, but the fact remains that you are spending countless hours on this stupid event…THAT LASTS JUST ONE FUCKING DAY. You could’ve spent that time and money, IDK, baking a cake, going to a Taylor Swift show, or eating a croissant while exploring a quaint village in Europe.
Oh, you want centerpieces? That’ll be $3,000. Food for your guests? Try $12,000. An open bar? $15,000 and probably thousands more in damages when Uncle Jerry’s signature dance move ends with him face planting into the wedding buffet.
If you’re not anxious enough, this is what an average wedding to-do list looks like:
✅ Create a guest list (that prob has only 20 people you actually want to be there)
The other 130 people are relatives you haven’t seen since you were 2 months old. But somehow, they fondly remember the time when your parents let them wipe your ass and change your diaper once and just absolutely need to be there.
✅ Hire a photographer, videographer, hair and makeup artist, caterer, wedding planner, and DJ
Do I work in HR? No, but it sure feels like it. We need to hire a bunch of people to do shit for us and pray they don’t fuck up.
✅ Go on Pinterest and TikTok for inspo, only to hate everything online and want to hurl your phone at the wall
If I had a dollar for every influencer who claimed her wedding was “different” and “special,” I would have enough money to pay for my entire wedding. Nobody gives a shit about your monogrammed napkins, Emily.
✅ Create a “wedding aesthetic” when you have no clue WTF you’re doing
How does every bride in the world somehow know what she wants her wedding to look like? I don’t give a flying fuck about whether we have white or champagne colored linens at each of our tables. How am I supposed to pick???
✅ Send out invitations and then bug everyone in your life to ACTUALLY RSVP ON TIME.
RSVPing isn’t a thing for both of our cultures, as people just randomly show up to events on Philippine or Persian Standard Time. Add the fact that half of our relatives live across the world and chasing down RSVPs is nearly impossible. It’s basically The Amazing Race: Wedding Nightmare edition.
✅ Deal with your and your SO’s family (and their demands, judgements, and expectations)
I am also Chinese Filipino. My fiancé is Bengali and Persian. You know how each culture has its own special wedding traditions that are significant to your family?
Yeah, try combining four cultures into one wedding and not having your brain explode. How can I be excited for a night where one of our relatives will scream at us for not doing this specific Persian cultural ritual correctly, when neither of us have ever seen it done before?!
Expectations, emotions, and finances run high at weddings and I am trying not to have a mental breakdown. The closer the day gets, the only thing I feel is the urge to say, “fuck this” and buy a $100 elopement package in Vegas.
What the hell is all the hullabaloo for?? All it takes to make it official is a piece of paper. Capitalism is clearly alive and well if we are expected to shell out thousands of dollars for a bunch of people to watch my partner and I kiss for 30 seconds.
Do you know what sucks the most about it all? Whether we have five people witnessing it or 400, the outcome of the day is the same. We’ll be married.
The truth is, I just can’t wait for all of this to be over, to wake up and see my husband lying next to me. I can’t wait to start our life together as DINKWADS (a term coined by TikTok that stands for Dual Income No Kids With a Dog).
But until then, I have to deal with one more month of organizing, planning, stressing, crying, and dealing with family drama. One more month of feigning anticipation for a day that is really just for everyone else.
Yeah, I’m not fucking excited for my wedding. I’m excited for the day to be over so I can move on with my life.
