2017 has been an absolutely wild year in many ways, and now that it’s finally coming to an end it feels like a good time to stop and take a breather. A lot of crazy shit has happened this year, and honestly I had forgotten about most of it until I sat down to write this article and was like, “okay what happened that’s not Donald Trump?” Spoiler: it all happened. Everything. Here are some of the most absurd scandals and fuckups of 2017, because you definitely need a refresher.
1. The ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Shutdown
Okay, so you probably didn’t forget about this, because literally how could you? From the first moment we got word that everyone had been sent home from Mexico, we knew we were in for a fucked up season in Paradise. After an investigation that was definitely super thorough and not rushed at all by ABC, everything was okay, but it made for some excellent television. Too bad for NDAs, because we might never know exactly what happened with Corinne and DeMario.
2. The Best Picture Fuckup
I still can’t believe this actually happened??? Like, imagine being some boring accountant who gets sent to the Oscars for one F U C K I N G JOB and you ruin the entire thing because you are on your phone!!!!! The producers of La La Land probably still cry every night while clutching their Golden Globes, because like same. Congrats though to Moonlight, which made me cry a lot due to some unresolved issues but why are you asking me about my personal problems when I just came here to have fun?
3. The Harvey Weinstein Thing
Like, wow. Depending how much you’re into the ~entertainment industry~ you might not have known much about Harvey Weinstein before the whole scandal broke out, but he’s a big fucking deal. Along with half (more than half?) of the men in Hollywood/the world, he’s been out there groping everyone we love and hold dear, and there is no time for that. Bye Harvey, have fun in hell!!
4. The Rob & Chyna Meltdown
After splitting up at the beginning of the year and getting back together in April, I really didn’t know what to expect from Rob and Chyna. Were they in it for the long haul, or would the drama continue? The drama would continue. In July, Rob got on social media and posted naked pictures of Chyna and another man, accusing her of cheating on him as well as doing drugs and neglecting their baby. She then got a lawyer and said he beat her. Ugh, we can’t all be Kim and Kanye.
5. The Fyre Festival
Um hello, how the fuck could we forget about one of the biggest fuckups in modern times? It takes real balls to get a shitload of influencers to fly out to the Bahamas for a luxury music festival and then just…not have the luxury music festival. Like, are the people who were stuck at Fyre Fest technically considered refugees now?
6. The Pepsi Commercial
This also feels like it happened approximately 12 million years ago, but nope! Just fun 2017 things! The people at Pepsi made one of the most confusing creative decisions of all time in casting Kendall Jenner as the one who ends all injustice in the world with a can of soda, but they could have had fucking Meryl Streep in this commercial and it still would’ve sucked. Someone definitely lost their job over this, and tbh they deserved it.
7. The R. Kelly Sex Cult
R. Kelly, the R&B singer previously best known for peeing on an underage girl, has surprisingly done some other creepy stuff too! This summer, allegations surfaced that he had been the leader of a sex cult of underage girls, keeping them trapped in a
closet house. He denied the charges and hired a “crisis team,” which is what I call my friends when I’m super hungover.
8. The Usher Herpes Accusations
Multiple women (and a man) claimed this year that Usher gave them herpes during sexual encounters, which is problematic because he’s married and claims he doesn’t have herpes. A mystery! One of the women claims Usher obsessively showered before and after sex, while another one of the women is named Quantasia. Idk, someone come fix this shit.