In 2013, some Millennials were getting wasted in frat basements until 3 am every Thursday. Others were holed up in their dorm rooms watching YouTube vlogs and sucking down Cup of Noodles, only taking a break to cry-sing to Glee covers. If you identify with the latter, you’re more than familiar with the work and stylings of Liza Koshy. Also, you’re definitely peaking in your 30s. Congrats.

Liza is still doing big things after establishing herself as the ultimate vlogger over 10 years ago. She stars in the new Netflix rom-com Players alongside Gina Rodriguez, Tom Ellis, and Damon Wayans as “this unsuspecting psycho of a character” (her words, not mine). She tells me the movie is 30% scripted and 70% improv. She elaborates, “I keep saying that we had a reality TV show that was turned into a movie because a lot of us were just talking out of assholes, and it was from 1:00 am to 7:00 am that we’d film in New York. So it was like delusional chaos.” Someone get Andy and a camera!

Naturally, Liza is a perfect inductee to our Hall of Betches.

HALL OF BETCHES INDUCTION:

LIZA KOSHY

What’s your biggest red flag on a dating app?

I’m honestly not on the Apps.

Honestly. Me neither, so.

Girl, in person. A red flag that I would see in person… It’s everybody’s and it’s a good one and it tells you so much about someone’s personality — how you treat servers, waiters wait staff, anybody helping you and part of their job is to show up and serve you, be grateful for that. Be kind. Its very easy, just acknowledge their presence, ask their name is a plus! Just being kind to waiters is a giant green flag. Don’t make me feel uncomfortable — don’t make them feel uncomfortable.

Honestly that’s such a good one. Who would you want to be at your dream celebrity dinner party?

Oprah immediately comes to mind. Let me think. Who else do I want? Can be dead or alive?

 Yes. Or it could just be you and Oprah.

Just me and Oprah… Oh, I would have to have Gayle and Celine Dion… Tupac. 

Squad. Who would you want to play you in a movie?

Me. I can’t trust anyone.

Fair. What would the title about a movie of your life be?

I haven’t lived enough yet, girl. That’s why I haven’t written a New York Times bestseller yet. I got more life to live. Let me think. The Last Millennial. The First Gen Z. The One Brown Mennonite. Sorry, that’s so specific.

We have lots of options. All right. This is a weird one. You can take it any way you want, but what’s your weirdest obsession?

Weird ASMR. I love it. And I know there’s a place in New York. I watch on YouTube, I’m going for the long content, girl. I watch ASMR eight hours through the night. I love a frequency of 432 hertz at night. So realign your chakras. I wake up busted the next morning. It’s not working, but it’s nice to listen to and attempt to heal yourself subconsciously.

Fuck, marry, kill: YouTube, TikTok, Instagram.

Oh my God. Great question. Deepest cut. Hold on. Is Vine in there somewhere?

Sure, throw it in the mix. 

Can I hook up with Vine? Hook up with Vine, but like in Saltburn, like it’s in the grave and I’m fully fucking in the grave. What happened? Put that in, verbatim. But okay, Instagram has it all. She’s a multi-hyphenate. I think I would marry her. She has a lot to offer throughout the course of a lifetime. I think kill TikTok. We used to fuck, like hype, but not anymore. She had her heyday.

RIP.

And then, yeah, I fuck YouTube. That’s my relationship with YouTube. I occasionally put out on YouTube. I’ll put out on occasion on her. I’m in an open relationship with Instagram and I occasionally fuck YouTube.

I’m really happy for you guys. Do you ever re-watch your old vlogs?

Oh, no. God, no. Do you know how long it took me to edit those? I already had to sit through 10 hours of myself… I am good. I forget that the rest of the world can see it though. Well you just reminded me to archive some shit.

You’re so welcome. What’s your biggest fashion regret as a kid? 

I used to hate on this and now I completely see that my mom’s a genius. Unisex pants from Walmart. I had a uniform growing up from elementary, middle, and high school, so I wore giant cargo pants and those still fit so I can still wear them. And it looks super cute. So no regrets. 

Chic. Here’s a scenario: You’re in the backseat of an Uber looking out the window on a rainy day. What song is playing in your head?

“Come Clean” by Hilary Duff.

Naturally. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to impress someone you had a crush on?

Oh my God. Wore fake glasses and never told him that they weren’t real. And so for the entirety of our relationship, I kept wearing those glasses and I was actually afraid he always complimented them every single day. He was like, you’re so cute with those glasses. I was like, thank you so much. They are a part of my face now for the entirety of the six months we’re dating. I would see him come to the doorbell on my ring and I would run and grab the glasses. I was committed.  I never told them they were just blue light and I actually have perfect vision.

That’s honestly very relatable though. Okay. Be honest. How often do you Google yourself?

Recently, a whole fucking lot. Really reading reviews for our movie and I just want to see how people are taking it, so the past 24 hours. It’s actually narcissistic behavior going on, on my Google search. But for the best of reasons, the reviews are good so far.

And do you have a group text with your Players co-stars? Can you share the name of it?

I think it was “Players,” straight up, just “Players.” Tom Ellis uses the eggplant emoji more than you expect Tom Ellis would. He’s all over the place. And Augie’s favorite is the water squirting. Gina’s is, I don’t even know, I think it’s sparkles.

What’s yours?

It was a combination of all three.  All three. Just rotating.

Not to take a dark turn, but, what would your death row meal be?

Last meal on Earth then we snap your neck. If it’s the last one and then I’ll be gone, somebody else will have to clean up the mess. So it includes a lot of dairy. I don’t eat steak, but if it’s the last time I’m on Earth, steak fajitas with an absurd amount of sour cream. ‘Cause I haven’t had sour cream since I was born. 

Sounds incredible. And also messy. 

Bury me within 15 minutes of me eating now, you won’t have a problem.