Nerves were fluttering as Kelsey Murphy got ready for her wedding day at a 19th century villa in Northern Italy. All of her closest family and friends waited in anticipation, sat in a grand hall full of florals to die for, ready for the bride and her bridesmaids to descend the staircase at Villa Erba. Her father made a speech. The food was Lake Como’s coastal best. There was even a sweet father-daughter dance followed by a live performance of Italian opera singers. There was only one thing that made the stunning festivities a little unconventional — the groom wasn’t there.
“Two weeks before our wedding we had to call it off,” Kelsey says.
Yes, you read that correctly. The 31-year-old New Yorker had spent the better part of a year planning her wedding before learning it was no longer going to happen long past the cancellation window for wedding deposits. After breaking the news to her guests, the unanimous response from her loved ones was: “We still want to celebrate Kelsey.” That’s how Kelsey ended up in a red Norma Kamali gown instead of a white wedding dress when it obviously would’ve been a hell of easier to hide in her hotel room with a bucket full of gelato.
In general, it’s clear that millennials have a very different relationship with marriage than previous generations: 25% of 40-year-olds are not married which is actually a record (and they say we don’t work hard!). Gen Z and millennials are reported to delay marriage because of opportunities in their careers and education. We also happen to be famous for our refusal to settle for what doesn’t work for us! While there’s no significant evidence to suggest younger generations are canceling their weddings at a higher rate, research shows that at least 20% of engagements end without a marriage. With over 2 million views on Kelsey’s viral video, social media is certainly making broken engagements feel less taboo.
Kelsey Murphy Didn’t Get Married In Italy But She Still Had The Time Of Her Life
@kelsmurphMy heart felt like it was in a million pieces when two weeks before our wedding we had to call it off. The venue and vendors were locked in, and my family couldn’t get anything back, so all of our loved ones decided to rally and show up to support. When your people show up for you, you show up for your people. I’m grateful for one hundred reasons to smile on a day I imagined I’d cry ❤️🙌🏻♬ original sound – Kelsey Murphy
Kelsey got engaged to her fiancé in 2023. Both travel lovers “with a soft spot for Italy,” the couple decided to have their destination wedding there knowing it could be a “huge ask” for people. So when the engagement was called off mere weeks before the big day, Kelsey was painfully aware “a lot of people’s hard work and effort and energy and resources went into it.” She didn’t want to be “wasteful” but she also wasn’t convinced she could actually complete the not-so-easy feat of showing up on the morning she was supposed to get married ready to eat, drink, and be merry — without a wedding ring.
(The reason for Kelsey’s breakup isn’t the point of this story, but just know she has described the heartbreak as an “undying kind of pain” that made showing up, even to somewhere as heavenly as Italy, seem like a hell of a nightmare at first.)
Kelsey was torn but the Murphy squad was still so excited for the trip. If Kelsey chose to stay back they’d “totally understand” but would be “going anyways.” Turns out that’s actually the best medicine for a bad breakup: studies show that family and friends’ support is the driving variable in how quickly an individual bounces back. Basically, Kelsey was still knee-deep in “processing what this reality was and how different this was going to look” and meanwhile her besties were like babe, I’ll see ya in Italy. So, with their contagious confidence, Kelsey made the v brave decision to Eat, Pray, Love this shit, despite how shitty the circumstances were.
It wasn’t a day of pretending nothing had gone wrong, but one that prioritized the truth that despite the setback there was still something to celebrate. Her people “rallying around her” (over plenty of top-shelf cocktails) reminded Kelsey that she alone was worth celebrating. “At the end of the day, when the people you love want to show up for you, you want to show up for your people,” she says.
@kelsmurph Replying to @Shreya ♬ original sound – Kelsey Murphy
Going Viral For A “Little” Life Update
Every day hasn’t been limoncello and paragliding, especially that first Sunday after she returned from Italy. “I was really alone in the apartment,” she remembers. She decided to watch videos back that people had sent her as a way to cheer herself up. Which is how Kelsey ended up stringing her favorite bits and pieces on the simplest editing platform she could find: TikTok. In very elder millennial fashion, she’d never really used the app before, which is why it was a huge shock when the video took off. Kelsey was used to hearing about how toxic sharing your story on social media could turn out so she uploaded the video and turned off her phone. What she found when she turned it back on surprised her.
Her video blew up with alarmingly supportive comments (“I’ve never been more proud of a complete stranger”), sympathy from wedding industry professionals who know the dedication it takes to plan a banger of this proportion, and women sharing their own similar experiences. It was obvious to anyone stopping their doomscroll to detour to Italy that Kelsey is blessed AF for everyone around her despite the tough pivot. Kelsey told Betches this community helped her feel less alone.
Instagram is a notorious highlight reel, but Kelsey felt the need to keep it refreshingly real. “I posted when I got engaged,” Kelsey joked, “And this is another little update that happened.” She wasn’t trying to be a “hero” (though jumping into the lake with a blowout feels pretty heroic to me) but if her experience could help one person, then she’s happy she shared. Also, it turns out a viral TikTok is also a great hack for putting a stop to awkward conversations with acquaintances who want to hear all about your big day after you didn’t say I do.
When Your Wedding is Called Off Two Weeks Before
Even when it feels like an impossible task, calling off your wedding is always an option (whether it’s the option you were hoping for or not). Similar to Kelsey, Summer House star Lindsay Hubbard let her girls turn her Bahamas bachelorette excursion into an impromptu girls’ trip. Choices like these, to celebrate instead of fall off the map, are the type of energy that can level out the overly powerful wedding industrial complex one “I don’t” at a time. I mean, how can you classify something as beautiful as Kelsey’s celebration of love a mistake, when it was clearly the party of a lifetime?
Might sound cheesy — though Kelsey accepts “that might just be who she is” — but ending an engagement has every bit of potential to be a true beginning. Being able to look in the mirror and see “a hard-working good person with a life [she’s] proud of” reminded Kelsey that even though it feels like the end of the world, “There’s a whole life to live. So we have to walk through this chapter right now, but only to get to the other side of it.” And ummmm, what’s better for a long walk than an ice cold bevvy? “When life gives Kelsey Murphy lemons, she makes the damn spritz” is what Kelsey was able to walk away from Italy with (in designer heels, mind you).
