Everyone has at least one favorite cruel fact about late-stage capitalism that keeps them at night, and I’m in the mood to share mine! Jeff Bezos could literally end homelessness in the United States and still have billions to spare, and yet he simply doesn’t. Why am I in the mood to bring this up now? Well, on top of that diabolical decision being forever relevant, Bezos is getting married (nobody clap). Daddy Warbucks’ tethered has found love (or at least a legally binding agreement) with Lauren Sánchez, and the pair have planned a monstrous mega wedding that is set to take over Venice, Italy, in July of 2025.
Imagine having so much wealth that in the middle of an international nuclear crisis, human rights crises due to multiple ongoing genocides, and, to put it lightly, the implosion of democracy as we know it in the United States, your vibe is like, “let’s set a record for how much money I can spend on the fact that a woman is agreeing to have sex with me for the foreseeable future!” Like, on an individual level, it’s a fucked up fact of life that some people are alive and well at the same time while others are deeply suffering, and with only one life to live, we deserve to take time to celebrate our wins. But the “there are no ethical choices in capitalism” logic applies to normal people, not Oligopolists dealing cards of global suffering.
So, it’s not only unforgivably grotesque to pop off this hard for a freaking wedding but also pretty embarrassing, TBH, considering it’s neither of their first! Instead of pretending it’s not happening, I’m side-eyeing every detail about Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez’s wedding because The North remembers.
Jeff Bezos’ Celebrity Wedding Guests
Just in case you’re curious which celebs are planning to disappoint by association, there are a lot of A-listers (alongside irrelevant billionaires) included in the 200-person long guest list! Sydney Sweeney, Gayle King, Oprah, all of the Kardashians except Kourtney and including Kris and Corey, Orlando Bloom, Tom Brady, Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump, Dianne Von Furstenberg and her billionaire husband/former co-worker of Rupert Murdoch, Barry Diller, and Vittoria Ceretti have been spotted at the frivolous festivities. Business bros Bill Gates, Ari Emmanuel (of Endeavor’s Hollywood empire), and Brian Grazer (also ancient entertainment royalty) are there, too.
Selma Hayek, Barbara Streisand, Miranda Kerr, Suki Waterhouse, and Robert Pattinson were all at the engagement bash, so it’s likely they’d be invited to the wedding, too.
Jeff Bezos’ Wedding Invitation
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Okay, objectively, this invitation looks like ~graphic design is my passion~, I-have-Canva-and-a-dream core. How do you have all the money in the world and end up with something recreatable on Microsoft Paint?! Meanwhile, on a semi-positive note, guests, whoever they end up being, were asked to give charitable donations instead of gifts to the happy couple. No, that does not make any of this any less gauche. It’s like your rich uncle telling you he’ll get your gas money for running an errand before the family function. No shit, Uncle Jim!!
How much did Jeff Bezos’ wedding cost?
The wedding will cost, at a bare minimum, 10 million dollars, as it’s reported Jeff Bezos is allegedly spending $50K per guest, and 200 guests are planned to attend. $50,000 is about 25 Americans’ rent for the entire year, and $10,000,000 could cover about 10,000 Americans’ medical costs for the year. Cool!
Jeff Bezos’ Wedding Events: What were they?
How the hell did they get to the wild number of $50K per guest? According to Page Six, three different theme parties are planned, including a pajama party. I mean, not to age shame or anything, but as a 61-year-old adult male, grow up a little bit, right? Then again, if I slept as well as this dude probably does at night, I’d probably do it all the time, too!
The Bezos’ hosted a foam party on Wednesday, June 25, because apparently Jeff is finally living his dream of being a popular frat star from 2013. Understandable.
A welcome party went down on June 26, 2025, with the famous guests from Oprah to Leo being shipped off down the canals in speedboats.
Where is Jeff Bezos’ wedding?
Jeff and Lauren’s nuptials are in Venice, Italy, as confirmed by the mayor. Allegedly, reports suspect the ceremony will happen on the island of San Giorgio. Rumors first reported by People suggest it could be going down on Jeff’s $500 milli super yacht. I’m waiting to hear an argument for why any reasonable human being would want a boat so big that if they got locked in a room somewhere, it’s possible that no one would ever hear them scream.
When is Jeff Bezos’ wedding?
The wedding is scheduled for June 27, because despite being extremely wealthy, I guess even Jeff wasn’t above pulling the Friday faux-pas to get a deal on the venue.
Jeff Bezos’ Wedding Performances
Usher has touched down in Italy. Spiritually, Ursher Babys feels exactly like who two boomers with a desire to be cool kids would pick to impress their friends. If so, I’m sure they’re gonna make that man yell “yeah!” one million times — for every dollar they’re paying him. Shiver.
Andrea Bocelli’s son, Matteo, is set to perform at the ceremony, according to Forbes.
Lauren Sánchez Bridesmaids
Lauren’s destination bach to Paris (what you thought she was going to keep it to a demure night out?) included Katy Perry, Kim Kardashian, Kris Jenner, and Gayle King among other girlie pops. Lauren posted the group with the caption, “Forever starts with friendship, surrounded by the women who’ve lifted me up,” so it’s safe to assume that if she has a bridal party, these women would be it.
Jeff Bezos’ Wedding Protests
It’s no surprise that distaste for this ornate affair has drawn progressive protestors to Italy. Signs like “IF YOU CAN RENT VENICE FOR YOUR WEDDING YOU CAN PAY MORE TAX” absolutely eat if you ask me because it destroys the notion that the uber-rich are putting money back into our economy instead of on whatever TF benefits themselves further. There are also lots of creepy statues and signs written in fake blood commemorating Lauren and Jeff’s arrival. One protest group’s efforts allegedly forced their post-wedding party to be moved from a major historical landmark, and, yes, a win is a win!
