Ah, Corinne Olympios. The villain we all love to hate, or at least pretend we hate. Because despite her indisputably crazy behavior on The Bachelor, don’t we recognize a bit of ourselves in the 24-year-old “business owner”? Don’t we long for the same “naturally” plump lips? Don’t we pray for a nanny like Raquel to provide cheese pasta for us so we can stay in bed all fucking day?
So is Corinne a betch? An investigation.
For starters, Corinne has catapulted into stardom as a national villain in just weeks. And that’s really all we could want in this life for a girl from Florida. This kind of meteoric rise is frankly something we just can’t deny as an obvious sign of betchy behavior. She shook off those bath salts and is now living the American Dream: pimping herself out on Instagram for Sugar Bear Hair Vitamins.
Another point in Corinne’s favor is that her favorite meal is a v. rare delicacy called “cheese pasta.” And while the magic of this dish was recently largely unknown to the betch crowd, it goes without saying that cheese and pasta are two things we wholeheartedly fucking support. The betchiness of this meal is only compounded by the fact that it’s made by Corinne’s nanny, since Corinne is unable to boil water, cook pasta, and add cheese to it herself—an advanced level of culinary ineptitude to which all betches can relate. Ten points to Corinne.
It’s no secret that the filming of The Bachelor comes with copious amounts of alcohol. Some women—like that fucking model, Whitney—choose only to drink water and keep their composure. But lawd knows that ain’t Corinne! Towards the end of each rose ceremony, the camera peers into Corinne’s lifeless eyes as she pounds more and more Champagne. And it’s a drunk gaze we all recognize. It’s the look of
an alcoholic a champion. So obvi another betchy attribute in Corinne’s favor.
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Furthermore, Corinne is loyal AF. She stood up to the haters and defended her nanny Raquel against a cruel GoFundMe campaign. Raquel is her fucking family, guys. Show a little respect—we all have family members who we pay to wait on us hand and foot.
And obvi, we could dedicate an entire article to her penchant for napping at inappropriate times. We would love to go out with Corinne so we could get Champagne wasted and then all fall asleep at the bar together. You can’t get kicked out if they can’t wake you up.
Unfortunately, Corinne isn’t perfect, which is something that a betch would obviously never admit. She’s obviously never heard of the art of Not Fucking Bros. Does she have any idea what the phrase “emotional intelligence” actually means? Is there an ounce of actual intelligence in her body?
The world may never know. But we don’t fucking care. Corinne, you are one hundo p a betch.