By now, you’ve probably binge-watched all of Shonda Rhimes’ latest Netflix creation, Inventing Anna. The 9-episode, “based on a true story” series chronicles the rise and fall of Anna Delvey (née Sorokin). The so-called “Soho grifter” managed to con her way into the New York elite, living a life of luxury and racking up thousands in the process simply by pretending to belong.
Playing the part of a wealthy German heiress with a multi-million-dollar trust fund, Anna inserted herself into the city’s glamorous social scene, despite the fact that none of the above was true.
Of course, there’s nothing aspirational about committing fraud, but you have to admit, Anna intrigued you. The glittering fashion and lavish lifestyles portrayed on-screen only made your Cheeto-stained sweats seem more unflattering than usual (what, just me?)
Not to worry. You, too, can reinvent yourself à la Anna (only, you know, without the criminal charges). All you have to do is follow these six steps.
Change Your Name
To fully reinvent yourself, you need to wipe all existing traces of who you used to be and, as we all know, the internet keeps receipts, so you’ve got to start with the basics: your name.
Bare minimum, you need a new last name, though you might as well go for broke. After all, you can’t walk around with a basic-ass name like Ashley or Jessica or Brittany and expect people to find you interesting. No, you need something far more exotic.
But, if for some reason, you’re super attached to your birth moniker, then at the very least, add in a diacritic to make it sparkle. After all, doesn’t Katié seem more intriguing than Katie?
Adopt An Accent
Is it German? Russian? Maybe French with a hint of southern twang? No, wait, do I hear some Trans-Atlantic in there?
Whatever it is, it should be totally unique, not to mention untraceable. No one else has an accent like that—it’s impossible to pinpoint—and it only serves to make you all the more fascinating.
Talk The Talk
That Tommy Wiseau-esque accent is only the start of your vocal transformation. You also need to adopt a new manner of speaking. Start throwing around words like “yacht,” “couture,” and “trust fund” on the regular.
Use summer as a verb, instead of a noun. And when you talk about where you summer and all the fabulous vacays you take, make sure your articulation is on point—it’s “Ibitha,” not Ibiza, the Louvre is pronounced “Loo-vruh,” and Phuket shouldn’t sound like a curse word.
Dress The Part
Your outfit is either designer—straight from the runway—or H&M, depending on who you ask. You’re a big fan of the mix-and-match: a $500 white T-shirt with thrift store jeans, an haute couture skirt paired with sneakers, a distressed leather jacket that costs as much as a used car casually thrown over a Zara dress.
Hell, everything about you is mix-and-match. Your nails are always manicured and immaculate, but your hair is giving major just-fucked vibes.
Walk The Walk
Attitude is everything and confidence is key. Do you think Rihanna ever walks around like she doesn’t know she’s hot shit? Of course not! And neither should you. Wherever you go, act like you own the place. And from now on, you should only be going to the best, most exclusive places—the latest ‘It’ restaurant, the hottest club in town, the VIP suite. If ‘the’ isn’t a prefix, it’s not worth your time.
Before you ask how you’re going to foot the bill for this new, fancy lifestyle—don’t. Forget about money. That’s a problem for future you to figure out.
So, go shopping without looking at price tags. Go to restaurants that only offer blind menus. Go first class or go home.
Maintain An Air Of Mystery
To fully reinvent yourself, you need a good backstory. But, whatever you do, make sure to keep it vague. Where are you from? Somewhere in Europe. How can you afford to toss around hundreds like you’re Drake in a strip club? Generational wealth. What does your family do? They’re in the finance industry. Or maybe it’s real estate. No, hold up, you come from a line of big oil tycoons. Yeah, that’s it.
Whatever, it’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter where you’re from or what you do. You’re here now and you’re one fabulous bitch.
Images: Aaron Epstein / Netflix; Giphy (3)