We’ve prayed for times like these, folks: The Eternal Sunshine mini tour is a go! The vocalist of our generation, the actress of our generation, the comedian of generation, Miss Ariana Fucking Grande, will bless the nation (and London and Montreal) with her otherworldly live vocals for the first time in six years. I could cry.

Between Wicked and Meet the Parents 4, Ari’s been booked and busy with her acting career. But she hasn’t forgotten about her pop star duties, thank god. “Very silly of you all to assume that just because i have my hands full with many things that i plan to abandon singing & music … !!!” she wrote in a July Instagram post. “it is and has always been my lifeline. there will need to be room made for all of it. 🧚🏼‍♂️” Whatever you say, queen.

With the presale just around the corner, my blood pressure is climbing. I do not wanna compete with 100,000 bitches who don’t know the lyrics to “Honeymoon Avenue” or “Best Mistake.” Bitches who were calling Ari a “homewrecker” in 2023. Bitches who aren’t diehard, deserving Arianators like myself. So, I came up with a solution: the official Arianator Test you must pass to gain presale access. (Not actually, but in my dream world.) Best of luck.

Ariana Grande Eternal Sunshine Tour Tickets

How To Get Tickets To Ariana Grande’s Eternal Sunshine Tour

I hope you’re ready for The Hunger Games, aka the presale for North American dates on September 9. Sign up for the presale by September 7!! (There’s a general sale on September 10, but I doubt there will be many tix left.)

The Arianator Test You Should Have To Pass To Get Tix:

1. Can you truthfully say you’ve never called Ari a “homewrecker” or tried to cancel her over her relationship with Ethan Slater? (Like, you could pass a lie detector test?)
2. Which iconic member of Ari’s family is featured on “ordinary things”?
3. Finish the sentence: “I’m like, ‘Bitch, that’s my cookie, that’s my [BLANK].’”
4. What’s the name of the song Ari wrote for Demi Lovato?
5. What’s the name of the song Harry Styles wrote for Ari?
6. Name every Ari album in order.
7. Name five tracks from her debut album.
8. Which song did Ari perform at the 2013 AMAs?
9. Ari’s famous 2015 scandal revolved around which popular American pastry?
10. Finish the lyric: “Wanted you to grow / But, boy, you wasn’t budding / Everything you are made you / Everything you aren’t”…
11. True or false: Positions is one of Ari’s best albums.
12. Which iconic movies does Ari reference in the “Thank U, Next” music video?
13. Ari made her Broadway debut in which show?
14. Which ’90s pop diva was Ari constantly compared to early in her career?
15. Which celeb did Ari meet on a cruise ship when she was a kid?

Answer Key: 

1. You better be able to say “yes.”
2. Nonna!
3. Juice!
4. “Met Him Last Night”
5. “Just a Little Bit of Your Heart”
6. Yours Truly, My Everything, Dangerous Woman, Sweetener, Thank U, Next, Positions, and Eternal Sunshine
7. Any five of the following: “Honeymoon Avenue,” “Baby I,” “Right There,” “Tattooed Heart,” “Lovin’ It,” “Piano,” “Daydreamin’,” “The Way,” “You’ll Never Know,” “Almost Is Never Enough,” “Popular Song,” “Better Left Unsaid”
8. “Tattooed Heart”
9. Doughnuts
10. “I saw your potential / Without seein’ credentials / Maybe that’s the issue, yeah”
11. True
12. Mean Girls, Bring It On, 13 Going on 30, Legally Blonde
13. 13
14. Mariah Carey
15. Gloria Estefan

If you got 12 or more, congrats. You’re allowed to get tickets.