BRAT summer is in full swing. That means we’re engaging in irresponsible activities, hitting the clubs whenever possible, blasting Charli XCX’s magnum opus, BRAT, on repeat, painting our homes and cars lime green, and doing the “Apple” dance at least a dozen times a day to keep the doctor away. Why? Because that’s all so Julia. And we are followers, not leaders like Ms. Fox, Charli, or Kelley Heyer, the TikTok icon who gifted us with her highly addictive “Apple” choreo. To be a brat or not to be a brat: That is the question. Do you have what it takes to fit in with the depressed queer kids? I suppose you’re about to find out.
We don’t need to discuss how many times I’ve performed this dance to the mirror in my living room — I don’t wanna brag, I just wanna share my greatest source of joy with you. Here’s how to do Kelley Heyer’s viral dance to Charli XCX’s “Apple,” plus my key tips for a successful performance of the choreo.
How To Do The “Apple” Charli XCX Dance
Step 1: Learn The Choreo From The Creator Of The Dance, Queen Kelley Heyer
Fortunately for us, Kelley breaks down her dance very clearly in this tutorial. That means you have no excuse to fuck it up. Watch and learn! Practice with her and the counts over and over until you collapse. It’s called dedication to your craft.
Step 2: Wear A Cunty Outfit
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Dressing on theme is a prerequisite. I expect to see lime green, black, fishnet tights, tiny little skirts, Charli XCX sunglasses, or some kind of combo of those items. Please do not get on TikTok and do the “Apple” dance in a fit that’s devoid of any personality.
Step 3: Make Your TikTok 2x Speed
The coolest of the kids are filming their “Apple” vids with the 2x speed setting. That means you do the dance super slow (so it’s easier) and then the movements look really sharp in the final product. How, you ask? Well, when you’re about to create a TikTok, you should see a bunch of symbols in the top right corner. At the bottom of those symbols is a down arrow. Click it, then press speed, and then press 2x. Then, film your “Apple” TikTok!
Step 4: Get The Damn Counts Right
This dance is four counts of eight, so there’s no rocket science involved. I have faith in you. You can get it right. For those of you who aren’t musicians or dancers, I recognize that the moves on the “and” can be tricky. To this struggling group, I say… keep trying. Let’s avoid basic-ifying the dance, please.
Step 5: Do Not Forget The Leg Pop At The End
The leg pop is the cherry on top, the sassy goodbye: It’s not a want. It’s a need. I’ve seen far too many folks ending their “Apple” videos without popping the leg like Kelley instructed us to. We must do better on this front. Do your leg stretches to prepare for a groundbreaking pop!
Step 6: Channel Your Inner Pop Icon
Sadly, you can’t sell the “Apple” dance by being the normal, everyday peasant you are IRL. No, you have to close your eyes and envision a stadium full of stans shrieking your name, and then you must fully become your inner pop icon. I wanna see award-winning, dramatic facial expressions and an aura of star power.
