I’m really fucking annoyed right now. For multiple reasons. First off, I haven’t had an open Thursday night since like, the 90s, all thanks to Shonda fucking Rhimes and her life-ruining, ugly-crying, unrealistically stupid medical drama show that I’ve been sucked into watching for like, 87 years straight. I’m obviously talking about Grey’s Anatomy.
And while we’re on the topic of this being my favorite show that I unapologetically refuse to stop watching, I was so excited to write a #TBT post about Grey’s Anatomy. But the fact that Shonda somehow managed to not kill off every character and continues to make me loathe 90% of them for 13 seasons (AND COUNTING) officially cancels out the whole “#TBT” aspect. So essentially, this is now just like, another dumb present-day recap. Kinda like that annoying chick that posts a #TBT pic about her vacation she got back from three hours ago. But whatever, no one’s twisting your arm and forcing you to read about the actual worst characters on this show, just like no one’s twisting my arm and forcing me to invest more time into a fictional wasteland than I ever have in anything that actually matters in life, but here we are.
10. Ava/Rebecca/Whoever The Fuck
Ok, the bitch had issues. It’s no fucking mystery. But to change your name, pretend you “don’t remember” shit about your life in order for the biggest fuckboy to roam the halls of Seattle Grace to take one glance at you, and then try to kill yourself in the comfort of his own home? That is some fucked up Stage-5, 13 Reasons Why baby-back bullshit. Doesn’t she know that most people in L.A. would KILL to have facial reconstructive surgery? Like, be grateful for what you have and quit the pity party. TBH, the only reason she’s the least annoying is because she’s obvi mental patient status and I have to at least act like I have a heart.
Annoyance level: Girl who shares a social media account with her boyfriend.
9. Miranda Bailey
Congrats to Bailey for not entirely making me want to rip my weave out, but the more seasons in this goddamn series, the more she’s beginning to piss me off. I thrived off Bailey’s sass and take-no-BS attitude with a secret soft side in the beginning of the series. But apparently now she just can’t handle super unfortunate things in her life, like her uncontrollable sexual desires or her intolerance for like, every human ever, which are things I only strive to achieve. Build me a fucking bridge, Bailey.
Annoyance level: Friend who bitches about being broke when she just booked a three-week Euro trip.
8. April Kepner
April made me contemplate taking a pencil to my eyeball when she first came on, and later KEPT coming on, and then she got a little better I guess. She blames everyone else for her garbage decisions (same), like the time she blamed failing her board exam on Jackson. I take full responsibility for my C average in college due attending toga frat parties on the reg. It’s called acceptance. And who the fuck leaves a guy like Jesse Williams (who’s capable dicking down any specimen with a vagina of his choosing) to go overseas and refuses to return? On second thought, stay there, Kep. You’re cancelled.
Annoyance level: Girl who reminds the teacher you have homework due two minutes before class ends.
7. Maggie Pierce
Maggie comes in as Lexi’s replacement, which is like, what’s the lesser of two annoyings? Truthfully, IDK. Her incessant need to babble on about IDK what lands her at the No. 7 spot because she’s like that girl you reply “that’s crazy” to, which is the universal term for, “I literally tuned you out 12 minutes ago,” but she evidently doesn’t get the hint and still rambles on. Bitch needs to sit down and maybe roll a fatty to chill the fuck out, but she does throw a mean right hook, so four for you, Mags.
Annoyance level: Uber driver who shares his life story.
6. Erica Hahn
Someone get this bitch a hug stat. Or a dick. Wait, I think she was a lesbian? Regardless, Erica had a stick up her ass throughout her entire existence, but the only thing she had going for her was her rivalry with that fucktard Burke. She was good at what she did, but clearly being a good doctor is like the 12th most important thing on the checklist when it comes to Seattle Grace employees, considering they all pretty much could have avoided killing their patients. Bottom line is she was just annoying as fuck, and served no purpose other than to give me chronic forehead wrinkles from scrunching my face in disgust for like, three entire seasons.
Annoyance level: Girl who irks you by simply existing and you can’t pinpoint why.
5. Reed Adamson
Reed and her dumb Keebler Elf haircut need to get that shit out of George’s cubby like, yesterday. Has this bitch any respect? First off, she’s like that exchange student from the rival high school who thinks she’s hot shit because she hailed from the east side, but really nobody gives a fuck. She also went full Regina George and snaked her way into relationships by playing Alex and hooking up with Mark while he was with someone. Close your goddamn legs and get a new hairstylist, Reed.
Annoyance level: Villain on The Bachelor who says she’s not here to make friends.
4. Izzie Stevens
Never forget that Izzie literally killed someone in the name of love. It’s like the modern-day Romeo and Juliet, except that it’s not because instead of sacrificing herself, she literally committed a crime that should’ve landed her life in prison. Is it weird that I feel like this is something the actual Katherine Heigl would do? IDK, she just gives off that vibe. Like, ok, the Denny Duquette love story literally left my soul in a puddle of mush, but lest we also not forget that not only did Izzie jack someone’s heart, she also stole someone else’s husband and left her own. The only reason why Izzie isn’t further down this list is because I don’t have enough Xanax to tolerate another bitchy Kath Heigl rom-com character who miraculously cons the hot guy into falling for her.
Annoyance level: Friend who falls off the face of the Earth after getting a boyfriend.
3. Preston Burke
Don’t even get me started on Preston fucking Burke. I curse the day this fuckboy was born. He literally pulled the biggest jackass rule in the book à la Mr. Big and left Christina Yang on her wedding day at the altar. He really couldn’t do this 12 hours prior? Pretty sure he also pushed her into everything else in their fucked-up relationship, too. But probably the worst part about all of this is that Burke’s mom stripped Christina of the one thing on a woman you never dare to fuck with: her eyebrows. If it isn’t apparent by now, there’s a special place in hell for the Burke clan.
Annoyance level: Mr. Big leaving Carrie Bradshaw on their wedding day.
2. Arizona Robbins
Is it some sort of rule that once you become crippled, disabled, and/or over the age of 65, you’re just allowed to be a dick for no apparent reason? Because sign me the fuck up. But seriously, Arizona Robbins used to be a Shonda fave until she blamed Callie for chopping off her leg (which fucking SAVED HER LIFE, but nbd) and went AWOL on everyone by cheating on Callie with P-Sawyer to like, get back at her or some shit. Way to fucking go, AZ. On that note, who the fuck names their kid Arizona? No wonder this bitch is batshit.
Annoyance level: Regina George telling Cady she’d “talk” to Aaron Samuels for her.
1. Meredith Grey
Fucking duh, Meredith earns the top spot on this list—not even her therapist can tolerate her. And I swear to god, if she refers to herself as dark and twisty one more time, I’m quitting #SHIT night. That’s actually fake news, but it’s the thought. Like sure, she’s been through hell and back, but that was like, a few seasons in. Mer had no excuse for being a whiny, semi-selfish bad friend the first couple years at Seattle Grace. Also, who sleeps with their best guy friend knowing she’ll regret it in the morning? I mean, me, but that’s beside the point. And then she didn’t even tell Derek’s sisters she took him off life support and just peaced the fuck out for a year. She’s like that friend you only call when you’re feeling like shit, because you know she’ll already have something to bitch about, too. TBH, I would’ve given Meredith a break had she not taken Derek’s tumor drawing out of her room. Sorry, Mer, you’re in the prime annoyance spot for life.
Annoyance level: Every year ABC announces Grey’s Anatomy is renewed for another season.