The Most Random Things Affected By The Government Shutdown

It’s been two years since Trump took office and the government has already stopped functioning…for the second time. It is literally shut down. TBH, it’s felt like the government has been out of biz for Trump’s entire term, but I guess it’s official now. Amaze.

So WTF even happens during a government shutdown? Does this means the news stops? Ugh, unfortunately not. Trump keeps spewing tweet-vomit and meanwhile government run businesses are forced to shut down. During a government shutdown, services that are considered “essential” remain open, while others that are considered “nonessential” have to close their doors. We made a list of things you would not expect to shutdown, apart from like, people’s paychecks and whole livelihoods and ability to feed their families and sh*t. Feel free to use this list at the brunch you’re attending this morning because we all know the government ditching work is as good excuse as any for us to also ditch work.

Gun Permits

So sorry to anyone who is supes horny for the second amendment, because during a gov shutdown you cannot apply for a gun permit. So sad.

Smithsonian Panda Cams

Okay, this one is seriously fucked up. The notorious Panda Cam is at the Smithsonian Zoo and is essentially a live stream of several pandas. It’s like Instagram Live but instead of your annoying coworker talking about her soul cycle class it’s just pandas. PANDAS. The camera is still operating at the moment, but if the government shutdown continues, it could turn off. You can take our government, and you can take our guns, but you CANNOT take our panda cam.

The Military’s TV Network

So apparently the military has their own TV network and it was shut off during the last shutdown. But nobody worry, because they found a loophole that allows the AFN (Armed Forces Network) to broadcast NFL games. Trump has tried to blame the Democrats for this shutdown and has claimed it will affect our military the most, but them almost missing the big game on Sunday seems to be the biggest drama thus far.

The National Christmas Tree

For an administration that wants to end the war on Christmas, it sure is making this one suck ass. The National Christmas tree in D.C. has gone dark as a result of the shutdown. So Trump literally is the Grinch, Mr. Potter, and Scrooge all rolled into one horrible orange being. Cool. (Note: NORAD has said that the government Santa Tracker for Christmas eve will not be affected thank GOD.)

National Parks

Sorry to anyone whose family planned to visit a national park during Christmas because they are shut the f*ck down. And if you’re wondering how something that occurs in nature can be “shut down,” this means that admissions, park rangers, tours, and basically everything that protects you from falling off a cliff or getting eaten by a bear won’t be there. Fantastic. At Yellowstone, the park service announced it will keep access to the park open, but other services “like restrooms” won’t be available. Have fun sh*tting in the woods!

The Violence Against Women Act

Here’s something fun! And by “fun” I mean “something so depressing it makes The Notebook look like Anchorman. As a result of the partial government shutdown, the Violence Against Women Act has expired. The landmark act was passed in 1994 and funds programs to help victims of sexual assault, domestic abuse, and stalking. What the f*ck kind of a government would let an act that literally only exists to help victims of violence against women expire? **That’s So Raven-esque flashback to Trump’s entire grab ’em by the pussy speech** Oh right, that kind..

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Irene Merrow
Irene Merrow
Irene makes jokes, understands politics, and has legit perfect eyebrows, all in a day’s work. Dumb bitch women really can have it all! This bio took her three days and five nightmares to write.