After a long day of taking notes at the Barbie movie, attending a Zoom meeting or two, and fighting the patriarchy (by drinking coffee out of a mug that says “f*ck the patriarchy”), who wants to cook dinner? Basic sustenance is such a drag. Enter: the girl dinner. These low-effort, barely-qualifying-as-meals meals are perfect for any gal who’s just too busy #girlbossing (proximity to the sun notwithstanding) to turn on her oven, or even boil water for pasta. Enter, the next problem: Ugh, now I have to think of what to “make” for girl dinner? Don’t worry girlie, we’ve got you covered. Here are a few simple ideas that barely require any time in the kitchen, because we know your place anywhere but there.
Avocado Smash The Patriarchy
Stick it to the man — actually, all men — with some mashed avocado spread lazily over a piece of toast. This meal is for the advanced girlbosses out there, since it does require you to toast bread. Season with male tears and a squeeze of lemon (into the closest man’s eye… therefore providing the tears).
Take a tortilla and grab whatever cheese you’ve got on hand — sliced, shredded, doesn’t matter. Throw that baby in the microwave for like 10 seconds (you can do it), and you’ve got a sad approximation of a quesadilla!
You’ve got some vegetables in your fridge, right? Cut those babies up just like you want to slice through the societal restraints holding us all back. Pair with twice the amount of hummus and a couple handfuls of those almonds your mom is always telling you to chew really slowly.
Pizza Rolls, Not Gender Roles
This meal is hot, hot, hot! Literally, be careful so you don’t burn the roof of your mouth. This 60-second meal takes it way back, to before you were crushed by the weight of society’s expectations. Well, other than being thin. And getting good grades. And not being a slut. Or a prude.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fondue-mental Rights
Ok, you’re right, nobody in their right mind is going to dig up a fondue maker when they don’t even feel like scrambling an egg.
Women In STEaMed Veggies And Like, A Cup Of Yogurt Or Something:
Remember five trips to the grocery store ago when you bought those steam-in-bag veggies thinking, “this will be so useful next time I’m too lazy to cook”? Well, this is that time! You’re so smart for planning ahead. You go, girl!
Nevertheless, She Prepared Stale Cereal And An Almost-Moldy Piece Of Fruit:
You might think you don’t have any cereal, but check your pantry. Check again. Go get a step-stool and really look! What’s the date on it? Eh, you’re probably fine.
Women Don’t Owe You Kindness: Kind Bar, An Apple, And Spoonfuls Of Peanut Butter:
Yes, that was a stretch, but you know what women also don’t owe you? Cutesy fucking names for everything. Can’t we just live? Anyway, you can really customize this dinner. Swap the Kind bar for whatever kind of granola bar you have on hand, or even a Pop-Tart. Sub out the apple for any other kind of produce. Trade the spoon for your index finger. Somebody call Top Chef!
Literally Just Handfuls of Shredded Cheese:
We’ve all been there.