As I’m sure you’re well aware of due to the never-ending influx of political text messages and phone calls, the 2024 election is fast approaching. While I don’t appreciate picking up my phone expecting a sext from my crush only to find Carole from my neighborhood begging me for money, I can rest well knowing that anyone who possesses a mobile device was reminded to register to vote for the most important election in US history (depending on who you ask). I don’t have Carole’s money nor do I have the will to engage with much more election discourse before election day. Yet, for Sarah Jessica Parker, I’ll make an exception.
SJP endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris for president in an Instagram post that ended by declaring her vote is also for her iconic TV character, Carrie Bradshaw, one of the childless cat ladies of J.D. Vance’s nightmares. This got me thinking, what other Emmy award-winning fictional babes would be clocking in for the Harris/Walz campaign? Now, is the state of our democracy funny? Zero percent, actually! But do you deserve to cope with a little escapist humor before shit totally hits the fan? My cortisol levels say yes. With that in mind, I present to you: a list of fictional TV characters who would endorse Kamala Harris, because I said so!
Carrie Bradshaw
New York’s flakiest sex blogger is indeed a childless cat lady so it goes without saying she would show up to the polls in red, white, and blue couture. (“I couldn’t help but wonder… how could a man with such a strong signature color clearly be so lost in the world?”) Carrie’s distinct inability to keep a man taught women everywhere about our constitutional right to cry into dirty martinis over our own personal Bigs well into our 30s — and still be able to have kids later if we want to. As CNN wouldn’t let us forget, 53% of white women voted for Trump in 2016, so if you’re a Carrie (or a Samantha or Miranda for that matter) maybe reach out to the Charlotte in your life, like NOW, and remind her how much she’d have in common with a president who prioritizes a daily blowout and pearls.
Olivia Pope
If I’m being totally true to canon, Olivia would’ve pulled some shady political strings to make sure a bombshell weirdo revelation about J.D. Vance worse than the couch joke made front-page news before November 5 (not that there isn’t enough out there already). No one is more disillusioned with the US government than a woman having an affair with Mr. Perfect President, but I’m p sure Doug and Tim are so loyal they might be able to restore the white-coated fixer’s faith in humanity, just a little bit. Plus, the real-life Olivia and Fitz (AKA Kerry Washington and Tony Goldwyn) appeared at the DNC in 2024 so it’s decided!
Miranda Priestly And Andy Sachs
Miranda hates nonsense and anything that interrupts her schedule, and I’m pretty sure a former president being involved with a violent insurrection in the nation’s capital counts as both. Yes, Miranda is a stone-cold bitch who loves the finer things in life, but her wealth doesn’t mean she’s not concerned with women’s (read: human) rights if only because she wants women to have enough disposable income to keep buying her magazine. I firmly believe Mrs. Priestly would host an event in VP Harris’ honor to get the fashionable elite on board with the Dems. Andy, now living her best life as a journalist, would write all about it.
Janine Teagues
A Philly teacher with precious school children to care for would for sure cast her vote for the candidate who received an endorsement from the largest teacher’s union in the United States. Ms. Teagues knows that a vote for Kamala is like simple algebra, where 1 + 1 = 2, as opposed to the clusterfuck of abstract mathematics coming from the other guys.
Olivia Benson
ACAB, but I can make an exception for Olivia Benson (and technically, Kamala Harris, who was California’s “Top Cop” though never a police officer). As the fictional world’s #1 advocate for sexual assault victims, there’s no way Detective Benson wouldn’t choose Kamala, who has vowed to fight for the sanctity of Roe. This is helpful for all women, including those who have become pregnant as a result of rape or incest. If you’re curious about how the Trump/Vance ticket feels about sexual assault, take a look at Survivors for Kamala’s front page ad summing up Trump’s troubling record in the area.
Leslie Knope
After Leslie’s loud and proud obsession with Biden, it’s natural to deduce her support would transfer over to her main man’s VP. Despite the hateful criticism about her background, Kamala has proudly spoken about her heritage as a black and Indian woman. Why do I have a feeling Tom Haverford would start spreading rumors around the water cooler he was somehow related to Kamala so he could get VIP treatment in Pawnee?
Walter White
Hear me out: Walter White is both and a teacher and someone who needs flexibility at the border (kidding!!! Kamala has taken an atypically strict stance on migration as opposed to the Dem’s more progressive approach in recent years). One thing we can all agree on is that Heisenberg is a far more successful businessman than Donald Trump ever was, which is sups unforch considering Trump’s tab of money owed for civil suits is really adding up.
Shivana Roy
Shiv went to war with her little shit of a brother, Roman, in the final season to get the progressive option (Daniel Jiménez) into office, so it’s only fitting she would put her weight behind a second swing at the first female president. Should the 2024 election favor our version of Jeryd Menken (who was described by the actor who played him as a “political boogeyman,” a term I find very very fitting of J.D. Vance), then billionaires like the Roys are projected to be sitting pretty due to disproportionate tax cuts at the expense of the public debt.
Stanley Hudson
Did I stutter? Stanley would be so grateful for an entire day away from Michael Scott, that he would cherish every second he waited in line to cast his vote for Harris/Walz. In true Stanley fashion, he’d keep his opinion to himself until Angela’s aggressive baked goods sale for Vance annoyed him enough to have an outburst in the name of the future of democracy (which is very much at stake here, along with a viable plan to keep the planet floating, and any shot at keeping children safe in schools).
