Donald Trump's Diet Coke Obsession Is The Only Relatable Thing About Him

A recent article in the failing New York Times reported that thicc boi Donnie Trump drinks 12 diet cokes a day, and it honestly might be the most devastating news we’ve heard all year, because we can totally relate. Does this mean we have to pull a Kendall and start drinking Pepsi? Ugh.

We totally get that Diet Coke is a crucial part of a balanced diet, but if you remember, The Hamburglar President of the United States also consumes 2,500 calories worth of McDonalds every day. We can only assume he goes with Diet Coke over Coca-Cola because he’s clearly on an all carb diet and sweatpants are all that fit him right now.

The best part is that Trump literally summons his precious Diet Cokes while he watches TV by pressing a button that alerts his staff, so he doesn’t have to get up from jerking off to watching Fox and Friends. I mean, I ring a bell everytime I want my boyfriend to bring me a vodka soda, but I at least give him the privelege of dating me in return. The only thing Trump has to offer anyone is the nightmare of his existence. To be fair, getting someone else to be his personal delivery service must be the only way he’s able to even have time to drink 12 Diet Cokes a day. I tried to drink the recommended daily eight glasses of water once and gave up after three and just switched to wine. So props to The Prez for his stamina. If only he had that same kind of commitment to not being the biggest asshole in America.

As you can imagine, twelve cans of Diet Coke is far more than the daily recommended amount of caffeine per day. That amount of aspartame, along with his shmorgasborg of Big Macs and Fillets-O-Fish, can’t be good for Trump’s heart and is hopefully killing him slowly. Sad!

Irene Merrow
Irene Merrow
Irene makes jokes, understands politics, and has legit perfect eyebrows, all in a day’s work. Dumb bitch women really can have it all! This bio took her three days and five nightmares to write.