The Bachelor’s rhinestone cowboy, Chris Soules, has lost a lot of his sparkle in the past month. Not even a perky ass and a cute dolphin laugh can save him from the long arm of the law after he was involved in a crash that ultimately led to a man’s death.
Soules was officially charged by prosecutors in Iowa with a Class D felony. D should stand for Dumbass, but it doesn’t. A quick Google search and dating a guy in law school at one point has given me the legal expertise to determine a Class D felony in the great (?) state of Iowa could land you a sentence of up to 5 years in prison and $7,500 in fines.
Okay, so that actually seems kiiiiiind of lenient considering his (dumb, selfish) actions ended someone’s life, but that’s none of my business… An Iowa court determined Soules “did drive a vehicle involved in an accident resulting in the death of any person and did not immediately stop the vehicle at the scene of the accident or as close as possible, and/or failed to return to and remain at the scene of the accident.”
That’s a lot of legal jargon that basically says he allegedly killed a guy and left the scene. I mean, his lawyers did argue that he shouldn’t be charged with a felony because he hung out long enough for the ambulance to show up before booking it home to sober up. Allegedly. Iowa courts called bullshit and here we are with our possible first Bachelor felon.
The plot thickens, though, because in March, Soules said he had been invited to be on Bachelor in Paradise. That was like, only two months ago. What a simpler time that was. So, um, I guess that’s not fucking happening. I feel like you’re not supposed to leave the state if you’re charged with a felony, let alone book it to Mexico to catch herpes with fellow oiled-up D-list reality stars.
Chris had previously joked that he wouldn’t go on BiP because “I don’t wanna make a fool of myself on national television.” Yeah, about that. Making a fool of yourself because the producers cut you talking to them to look like you were talking to a parrot would be the least of your worries right now.
Soules is due back in court May 23 for an arraignment. In the meantime, can we get this dude an Uber account?
