Chris Soules Was Arrested For Low-Key Killing Someone

Part-time farmer and former Bachelor Chris Soules is apparently a full-time idiot. The Iowa farm boy might be looking at some jail time after getting arrested for an alleged hit and run where another driver died.

Yes, you fucking read that correctly—someone fucking died. According to TMZ, Soules allegedly rear ended a John Deere tractor trailer—which, TBH, I don’t really know what that is—but then the asshole left the scene! The John Deere ended up in a ditch, and the driver was taken to a hospital by ambulance where he later died, which is incredibly sad.

And did Soules come through as a hero and try to help? No, the chicken shit drove off in his Chevy pickup like the subject of some depressing-ass country song. TMZ reported that as of this morning Soules is being arraigned—which, if you’ve ever watched Law & Order: SVU, you’d know that this is where Soules will choose to either plead guilty or not guilty—and police reportedly found alcohol containers at the time of the crash. So yeah, not looking good for our former farmer Bachelor.

Soules was booked into an Iowa jail on the charge of leaving the scene of a death, which you can bet definitely carries a big penalty if he’s found guilty. Yup, I just Googled it. Depending on where you live, getting convicted of that can leave you with a good chunk of prison time. Congrats Chris, I think you just might be the first Bachelor felon! Can they host a season of The Bachelor from inside a prison? What would the fantasy suites be like? I can see it now: “Riker’s Island is the perfect place to fall in love!”

Also, can we just talk about the mug shot for a hot second? In case you don’t believe us, you can clearly see Soules with his signature slicked-back hair and wearing a fucking shirt that says “Soules” on it. What in the hell, man. Maybe not the best branding.

How fucking thankful do you think Whintey is right now? She avoided a lifetime of writing Dear John letters while her fiancé served prison time and she was stranded in Bumfuck, Iowa. Safe to say she dodged a huge bullet.

Don’t meet your heroes, kids. Especially when that hero is a Bachelor with a dolphin laugh without the moral compass to stick around at the scene of an accident he caused THAT KILLED SOMEONE.

Rest In Peace to the other driver. Thoughts and prayers for his family.